Week 14 - My Week In Iraq

Saba al hair (Good morning). Ente shlonek? (How are you?) Greetings from Umm Qasr (Umm Qasr which I believe is Arabic for “place thermometer here….” – and anyone who has ever taken a baby’s temperature will hopefully “get” that one….) I hope your week has been pleasant. Mine has been filled with the usual fun-filled frolics and foibles… (well, at least as much frolicking and “foibling” as you can do in a war zone). 

Okay, I have to start out with this story:
One of my interpreters is a young man that I have written to you about previously – about 26 years old or so – very hardworking guy (he is one of the guys who ALWAYS brings me food). Well, Haleem has 3 young kids – 2 very handsome boys and 1 daughter. The daughter, Zaenab, had her first birthday and so the family wanted to make a big deal out of it. They did. They had a party with all of the relatives and music and several cakes – BUT – Haleem’s wife wanted him to go get a “special” cake.” Here is Haleem’s little girl:

1 year old – and full of life…

So, Haleem being the “man” he is, does what every man does – he tells his wife he will take care of getting the “special” cake for his baby girl – and then he promptly forgets about it until the last minute.

Alrighty then, so the night before the party, Haleem’s wife asks him when is he going to deliver the cake….he, of course, says he has got it handled – and he will bring it tomorrow around noon. Ten minutes later, he goes racing to the store to find a “semi-nice” cake – so he throws open the doors to the bakery, runs up to the counter and breathlessly asks how long will it take them to make him a special cake and what will it cost? Two days and $35. AACK! Now, he is in REAL trouble - first, it will take two days – and the party is tomorrow and next, $35 for a cake. Basically, understand that this is probably like you or me paying around $350 for a cake – that is absolutely insane.
Again, Haleem does what every man would do in this situation – he calls his wife and tries to weasel out of it. Are you sure you want me to get a cake? Won’t there be other cakes there? What if it costs a lot of money? On and on… but Haleem’s wife stands firm. It is important to have a “special cake” for little Zaenab. She only turns one once. And the whole family will be there. So where is the cake, Haleem???
Yep, once again, Haleem, the Iraqi male – handles it like any man would across the globe – he does what all married men do when they are faced with an impossible situation involving his wife – he panics! And to dig himself in even further – he goes to the worst human resource possible - another male! So this “friend” (and not me, for goodness sake) reminds him that occasionally the DFAC at the base has some old cakes that they will throw out if no one eats them within a certain time frame. The cakes are still good – although they are starting to get old. But it is late at night so Haleem has to wait until the next morning. Talk about a restless night!!
Well, he gets up early the next day and screams out of his house and drives over to the base DFAC. Now understand, this is Iraq – Haleem has to drive to the Iraq Navy front gate, get searched, check in, park his car, walk to the camp – which is about a 30-minute walk. Haleem jogged the entire way – then when he gets to the camp area, he gets searched again, has to report to his boss, go through a few other things ….. and all the time, the clock is ticking…. Finally, he finishes all he has to do and he gets a chance to go to the DFAC. He runs up to the cook – I swear to you the cook actually had the cakes on a cart and was heading towards the trash - getting ready to throw them out. Haleem runs up to him just before he starts to open the garbage can lid (it was that close) and there he sees three of the most beautiful birthday cakes… so he picks out the nicest one and gives the cook a HUGE hug. Then he starts the reverse process. Of course, now he is carrying a birthday cake with him – so he gets re-searched, checks out, jogs to the Iraqi Navy gate, gets in his car, drives home – all the while, protecting his precious cargo.
He runs into the house – and there his whole family is waiting for him – his precious Zaenab in her beautiful birthday dress – sitting at the “head” of the party and in walks Haleem with his little girl’s “special birthday cake.” He gently puts the cake down in front of his smiling baby girl. His wife kisses him. What a great dad – he remembered this special moment for his little girl. He spent extra time and money to get the special cake and he even asked the Americans to make it for him. They even wrote on it for his special little girl.
Family: “Haleem – please – you are the only one who can read or write “Englese” (English) – please…. translate the wording for your family what this American writing means.
Haleem:  “Oh. That’s too easy -
          “UNITED” – that means “happy”
          “STATES” – that means “birth”
          “ARMY” – That means “day” 
Think I am kidding? 

So, Haleem is the “toast” of the family. He is smart, he is working and he loves his family (all are true), but…. during Zaenab’s party, there were photos and people dancing and videos. What would happen if his wife ever found out – or if someone who could read English saw the pictures? Again Haleem, with all of his “man-training”, does what any male in this situation would do. Lie, sneak around, and cover his tracks. So for the next two hours, Haleem watches everyone taking pictures – he politely tells everyone that he has a camera – so he will take most of the photos. He “accidentally” steps in front of the cake when people are taking photos. And after the cake is eaten – he finds a way to get the other cameras and “accidentally” erases any of the incriminating photos…. just the ones with pictures of the cake…. but nobody seems to notice.
Haleem does realize that, eventually, he will be caught – so he “saves” some of the photos on his personal computer – which is how I got them. But he figures that in two years, if he finally tells his wife, she will laugh hard and forgive him.
Again, it sounds like Haleem “got away with it”, right? Well, he made one fatal error. You see, he was so proud of himself that he HAD to tell someone. So he told….. Capt. Esmele and yours truly. And of course, we, being the excellent role models of male behavior that we are…… we hold it over his head EVERY chance we get. ”Haleem…. do this or I am going to call your wife”. One of the electricians that came to give me a bid on something happened to be Haleem’s neighbor. ”Hey Haleem, does your neighbor know how to spell “United States?” “Haleem, tomorrow I think you should bring us breakfast – what do you think? Should I call your wife and ask her?” So, maybe his wife doesn’t know about the cake – but we are making sure that he is being punished. 

Women of the world……. yer welcome!

Historians will often debate exactly when “Mexaqi” was invented…but we will know the truth…..

Alright, another fun thing we did was make a new type of food. Yep. You have heard of “Tex-Mex”? Well, now I am introducing “Mex-aqi” food! Yep, my wonderful wife sent me a bunch of Mexican food (refried beans, rice, cheeses, etc.) so I decided to have a meal with all of the interpreters. Well, we had to “supplement” with some local food – so we had lamb and spanish rice and refried beans and vegetables and we could put it on tortillas or hobis (the Iraqi version of tortillas – a little larger and a bit more “crunchy” than tortillas at times) – but it was SOOOO good. On these photos, I cut off most of the faces of the interpreters – even though they gave me permission to use. These are very brave young men who face danger by working with the Americans – so I don’t want to put them in any more danger (I did ask Haleem’s permission to use his daughter’s photos as well. And he was fine with that. He is proud of his kids.) But don’t think this was lousy camera work – I wanted to make sure they were all safe.

BTW, Haleem is in the black t-shirt with a Mexaqi burrito

We found out that if you wrap it all up in one big burrito – it is wonderful. I am not sure exactly how they prepare the lamb – but it is FRESH lamb – and so tender. The Iraqis are kind of known for using “minimal” spices when they prepare food – but the lamb was so tender and seemed to melt in your mouth – then you combine that with all of the spicy cheeses, the Mexican rice and the vegetables (which Iraqis LOVE their vegetables). Well, all that talk of a Federally Funded Fat Camp – flew out the window. So that was a LOT of fun…. for all of us.

Also, this week, I got to “skype” with my daughter’s Sunday School class – and I got to show off for…. er – um ….I got to “teach” a small group of really beautiful women. What a fun time for me – and what a great distraction. As I have said, it is so often “Groundhog Day” here. Anything that helps break up that monotony is SO appreciated. But I had some slides prepared. I would talk about how women in the “Arab culture” are treated. I thought I was going to only talk for about 10-15 minutes. Well, it went for the whole hour. I couldn’t believe it (although because she is my daughter, Tiffany figured I would probably talk the whole time). But I really enjoyed it – and I think they had fun as well. I am also planning to skype with my own Sunday School class this next Sunday. Although that will be just to “check in” so they know I am not being “converted….” (kidding, kidding)
BUT – on the idea of being converted - there is a mosque not a couple of hundred feet from our camp. You know what they do at Mosques, right?  They have guys get up in the tower and sing. Well, some might call it singing.
But, five times a day they have a “singer” – and in reality, it is some recording that they play over a sound system. We get to hear this (constantly). And again, I have no problem with it…. but, …aren’t there any religious guys over here who can carry a tune?? Oh my gosh – the agony they sound like they are in! (I really wonder, if say… Elvis or Frank Sinatra sound as bad to them as their singers sound to me?). So I had a talk with my good friend, the camp mayor, (and he is a retired minister). But, we are thinking about sneaking up into the mosque tower before he rotates out (this fall sometime). And then, at the top of our lungs – start singing the Grand Funk Version of…..

EVERYBODY DOIN' A BRAND NEW DANCE NOOOWWW - 

C’mon baby, do the locomotion…
I KNOW YOU'LL GET TO LIKE IT IF YOU GIVE IT A CHANCE NOOOOWW -
C’mon baby…… Well, you get the idea. And no, we won’t really do it – we both like living too much. But it is a fun thing, a distraction, that we laugh about.
And that, dear reader, is how you get through a year-long deployment – laughter, distractions, good food, meeting new people, making good friends, and knowing that you also have good friends and loved ones at home waiting for you. I thank you all for waiting for me. I can’t wait to see all of you again.
And, just like the superheroes that I enjoy reading about – I must be out to fight evil in my own way – by assisting the Iraqi Navy and the US Forces that train them - to be able to continue that fight. And it is an honorable fight that we are engaged in. If you don’t believe me, I will be happy to talk to you about the Taliban and some of the other terrible organizations here. We must prevail. Do not be fooled, there is evil here that will make the deepest parts of your soul shudder – this is not a comic book super villain, these are real people who would gladly give their lives to have women in bondage – mental, physical and spiritual – as well as kill anyone who doesn’t believe their way. When you see the things they have done or what they want to do – it is scary. I worry when I hear withdrawal timetables and winding down. I want to go home more than anyone – but there are real live people here who are depending upon us. Now do you see why I cropped the faces off of the interpreters above? They risk their lives daily to support their country and make life good for their kids. They are good, honorable men. I have so much – freedom, liberty, children who are free. How can I NOT give them a year of my life? How can we – as real Americans - look away?
Finally, this week, we celebrate the 4th of July - the founding of our nation -
and I just want to say one thing to America....

UNITED STATES ARMY (Happy Birth Day!)

God Bless America
Wade “Mr. Wide” 

مهندس  واد  بروير

Week 13 - My Week In Iraq

Sallam Allekum (peace be upon you).  Shloneck? (how are you?)
Greetings from Umm Qasr (Umm Qasr – which is Arabic for “would you like sand with that?”). So how has your week been? 
Mine has been interesting (as usual) – but two significant events happened this week – one, I hit the ¼ mark  - 13 weeks (and just so you know, I don’t believe in “countdowns” or “marking off days” – as that means you are missing the most important day….today!) AND this week was officially the start of….. SUMMER! Yes, as I sit in my office and it is 114 degrees outside (that’s right –we are in a “cool spell”), that pretty soon it is going to get REALLY HOT! Can’t wait      -----    really    -------    just........can't............wait.
Just so you know, when you go out here – it is NOT just the heat. The heat is unbearable – however, throw in wind that is 30-50 mph (almost constantly) and it gets nasty. I wear long sleeve shirts and people ask why I don’t sweat. The wind blows the clothes dry in minutes (imagine being in your clothes dryer – except this is not as fun). I have been jogging (inside the air-conditioned gym) on a treadmill and I get soaked. I come out and walk one lap of the camp (and I have told you, this is a small camp….it is not much bigger than a very small farm) – but, by the time I finish my “lap” – my clothes are almost dry.
AND – it is not just the heat and the wind - the sand continually gets thrown at you. That is why I run in the gym. Again, the sand is more like talcum powder than “beach sand.” When the wind picks up really nasty – you have to put your hand in front of your eyes and squint – just so you can see to get to your spot.
All of the above really do some weird things to your body (and remember, the Pastors/Mother/Granddaughter clause – I am not getting specific or gross) – but the place it affects me most is inside my ears…. (told you….weird) – but my ears get so irritated and sore. The sand can collect in there – and when I take a shower – I am constantly “focusing” on cleaning out my ears…. as I said. Weird.
So last week, I showed you some of the designs I am doing for the Iraqi Marines. This week, I am going to show you a little bit of what we are doing on our camp. We do have some major projects going on that will improve our “quality of life” – the most important is that we are having the electrical problems fixed (hopefully, this summer). Now we are on our own electrical system– but the nearby city of Umm Qasr is not – and most people there only get about 8 hours of power per day. But we are not affected by their power shortages. And I have done a few things to help them with their power supply, but it is still not enough.
But, what I wanted to show you is going to be our new AAFES area (Army and Air Force Exchange Service) – we are also going to put in our Haji shop (it is currently “nestled” in another area), a new barber shop/beauty shop (I wonder if they will do “mani-pedis”???), a Green Beanery (coffee place), the self-serve laundry (new) as well as a POTENTIAL Subway! ($5 says Jared never makes it over here for the grand opening). But right now, it is - - - this:

Another Future Cool Area in Iraq brought to you by Mr. Wide

In its final form

The round area will be bordered by concrete or bricks, the “rectangles with writing in them are CHUs – converted into little stores. The green will be some type of grass, we will have some overhead coverings over this area as well – and we will have (gasp!) a FOUNTAIN! – right where the small blue area is.  What is not to love?

Yes, this entire sand swept area – I am calling it “Umm Qasr Knot” (meaning it is NOT Umm Qasr – but “knot” sounds so much more like a nautical term….)
Also, I don’t remember if I told you, but I share an office with the senior military member (Navy) Captain Myles Esmele. He is a great guy and we have a lot of fun (except for he is also the “ethics officer” – so I am really struggling here)…. well, we have kind of “renovated” our office to more “suit” our personalities.  (And to anybody from my work at Wright Patt – I did NOT make another superhero office) – but what we did do is take down some old file cabinets and an old drafting table and put up this:

The Jingly Shop at Myles and Wade’s

Now, Myles is a tea drinker – and I am a coffee drinker – but we both have wives that spoil us rotten (he married his high school sweetheart as well – but they waited until after he graduated college to get married) and they both send us a ton of food. Neither of us are real big eaters – but we enjoy “spoiling” the other people here on camp (the US sailors, soldiers and civilians as well as the local Iraqis, and Iraqi sailors and soldiers that grace our presence). And in our “old” setup, it was hard to see what we had available to pass out to everyone – so with this layout, people can come in and browse. What is funny is that one time, an Iraqi Officer came in and asked if we were “selling” the stuff. Myles has joked that we should put up a price list. I think if we ever get booted out of the Government, Myles and I should open up a shop. But the people around camp call this the “jingly shop.”

Commander Bell, Your hero, General Hassan and Capt Esmele

Speaking of Myles, here is a photo with Myles and I last week when we visited the Iraqi Marines. Also, we are both trying to learn Arabic. He is having better success than I, but here is another part of our office:

“the board” in Arabic

What is great is that our office is kind of like the “social” hangout – and every time an Iraqi comes in, they try and teach us a bit more Arabic. FYI – the top of the board is the days of the week; the right hand side is numbers (from one – wahid – to twenty – eshreen). The stuff in the middle of the board is the months – we keep rearranging the board – but I can say stuff like – today is Friday, the 24^th of June…ellyom, Jomaa – arbe wa eshreen Hayazaron.  (of course, that is the phonetic spelling because I am not using Arabic letters.) But it is kind of fun to learn while we are here.

It is amazing how many of the Iraqis LOVE to teach us how to speak Arabic. I was having trouble (constantly) with this one gate guard. One day this week, I had to go out (once again) because he was holding up one of my vendors. At that time, a vendor was bringing me ten AC units (split packs). So I go out there, with my shades, my gun and “the hat” – and I tell the guard – “ashre sablats (ten split packs) – NO Tisa (9) sablats” – And the guard starts laughing and I tell him that I can count to ten – so HE COUNTS WITH ME – and then we start counting up to twenty.
Well, (knock on wood) – the guy has been the nicest guy since then. As I said, that may change, but it sure is nice to “win” someone over. And of course, all of the interpreters bring Myles and I food. Now, we both constantly try and give them money – but they won’t accept. It is a little embarrassing , as they don’t make a lot of money. But they told us – it is an insult to them if we offer them money – they do this to make friends. So, we give them food – or make dinners for them – or we send stuff to their children – and they absolutely love that.
Well, dear friends, I must go once again. My time with you is short – but I hope you are enjoying the adventure. As I have said many times…..I am proud to be here representing you all. I am proud of my servicemen and women who are working so hard to help the Iraqis. I am proud of my fellow citizens who are working here alongside me and I am proud of the Iraqis that are working so hard alongside us. Most of all, I am proud to be from the good ole US of A.

God Bless America

Wade “Mr. Wide”

مهندس  واد  بروير

Week 12 - My Week In Iraq

Sabah-al-hair (Good Morning)

Greetings from Umm Qasr (Umm Qasr – which is Arabic for “when you’re hot you’re hot….. and when you’re not  - -  you’re probably not here”)
Well, how was your week? I had a great one – thank you to all for the anniversary wishes – they were well received. FYI, Jeanette and I skyped the night before our anniversary and had a good few minutes to ourselves. Okay, as for good ol’ Umm Qasr, I have had an interesting week.
Do you remember a few weeks ago when I showed you the photos of the Iraqi Marine site? Well, I went and met with the Iraqi Marine Commander (General Hassan) and a few of his colonels (Battalion Commanders) and I did a nice little design for him. Now, for force protection reasons, I can’t show you the whole thing (even though it will be slightly different from what is built)…. but I did want to show you some of what I am planning.
But, first, let me set the stage (minor gross-out alert….) of what the Iraqis are presently cooking and eating in…. here is another photo of one of the kitchens that the Iraqi marines use (I have sent several before) - but basically it is a pot of water (where they cook rice – or meats, etc.) and they put the pot on a propane burner and cook it. 

The Iraqi Marine “kitchen”

Yes, it is “sparse” but they do a lot with a little. Now, I did not eat food from this kitchen, but I am showing you the conditions they live in. I have told you before about some of the problems we have with the Iraqis – the big thing being greywater (shower water, soapy kitchen water, leftover dish water) – not “blackwater” – which is the REAL nasty stuff…. and they do take care of that… not in a great way – but it is not out in the open.

Any rate, as I told you I am putting in a design to correct most of their infrastructure problems (which will take care of the greywater and blackwater problems as well as their fresh water and electrical problems.) All in all – pretty darn rewarding as some of these guys really have it rough.

Greywater just outside of the DFAC

You can see above, the Iraqis don’t seem to have a problem letting this water just drain out and evaporate – and again, it does eventually – but dogs, cats, birds, mice and other vermin get into the water and flies get into it, etc. and all of those things can carry diseases (and trust me – there are not many animals around here that get vaccinations or rabies shots)…. so the soil is contaminated and the critters that get into it become contaminated. All in all – you can get a whole camp sick really quick this way. Again, as I stated – this part of the work (cleaning up an area to prevent people getting sick) is very rewarding mentally and spiritually for me.

So, here I am walking with the Iraqi Marine Commander – General Hassan…. as you can see… we are both “out standing” in our field…. (yep…I know – I can’t believe they aren’t paying me to do this either!!!). But the General is a really great guy. We laughed and yucked it up (I had a cup of chai tea brought to me – and he leans over, points to the tea and says “this is Iraqi whiskey…”) – but we had a great time.

Look closely – I am whispering to him – “yeah, they may salute you – but no way is your hat this cool….”

Alright, so this is pretty much a former dump that we are standing on – if you look close behind the general and I - on this berm (that is placed around the dump) there were “foxholes” for defending…. the dump. Don’t ask me why – but I guess it was their dump and they were going to defend it. Any rate, here is a “soon to be – before”  photo:

Future home of Iraqi Marine “cool” area….

Now, you may ask yourself – what in the world is he gonna do with that? I will tell you… I am going to make this the coolest area – I can’t show you the whole thing – as that would “jeopardize” the force protection – but I can show you a part of the part. So here is one portion of what I am going to do…. now you will notice there is Arabic writing on the slide – that is because I am presenting this to a group of Arabs (go figure!) – but in every design I am doing – I am putting all of the writing (by way of my local Engineers) into Arabic – so as the General and his officers go up to Baghdad or meet with their counterparts, they can show exactly what I am planning:

Mr. Wide Original Design

The “brown” lines are walls that are the shell of the DFAC building (the roof is not shown – but the DFAC will have a roof and be air conditioned) and the higher “blue-grey lines” represent chain link fence. The rounded “arcs” are just the doors (the arc show the way they swing open). The kitchen is going to have counters where the Iraqis can pass out food (now they put it on a table in a big tent with no air conditioning) – and the doors open up so you eat in the DFAC or you can go outside into the “oasis” and hang out. The oasis area will be covered on top with cloth – so the sun is not directly on them – and this area is in the middle of the camp – so the wind will not be as prevalent. I am also hoping to put a small fountain in the area along with some tables, lights, etc. to try and make this a great informal gathering place. The “curvy” thing is a walkway to a gate so they can enter into another area…. but any rate – THAT is part of what I am going to do to this area. This will go from the biggest disaster area – to the coolest area by just adding one large dose of “Mr. Wide.” What is not to love? (Okay, I guess you can see, I get passionate about designing and making cool areas.)

As I told you – I didn’t eat in either of the areas above – but I did get lunch and….. oh….my….goodness!  It was su-oh-oh good. We had fish that they grill – here is the “holder” they use. They slap the fish into this metal cage, close the cage around it and then grill it over an open fire. I know they put some spices and stuff on it – but it is a very mild fish –and went well with the other items.

Fish cooker

Lunch with Iraqi Marine General Hassan

The fish is in the middle of the table – there was also rice (with pine nuts and other assorted goodies in it), a tomato-based soup with cucumbers cooked in it, pickled vegetables and Iraqi Samoon (flat bread). The fish was farm-raised (not caught locally – which I am thankful for). We ate – like most middle easterners - we ate the fish communally (trying to use our right hand as we could) – but it took both hands to pull the fish apart – however, it was soft and delicate. We would spoon the cucumber soup onto the rice and mix in a little fish – I would take the samoon and get as much as I could. And after eating (or actually not eating) at the DFAC for the last few weeks (which again sometimes I think these cooks are on some kind of research project to see to what extremes they can torture the human taste buds) - but this was AB-SO-LUTE-LY delightful. I ate so much they started calling me “short-round”…. baby, that was good. I will leave you with a closeup of my plate (before I started eating….you didn’t want to see it afterwards – it was not a pretty sight.)

Iraqi Lunch “pre-Wade”

Well, that was just a short part of my week, but I wanted to share a really fun portion of it with you. It is not everyone who can say that they had fish and rice with an Iraqi General in the middle of a war zone – so I wanted you to enjoy it with me. And part of my “job” here is to develop relationships with Iraqis and let them know that we are here to help them and get their country moving in the right direction. I would say this – I am almost embarrassed at the generosity of the Iraqis. They give so much and they have so little. They sure “show the love” to their guests.

So, my dear reader, it is time to move on – I hope you enjoyed “having lunch” with me – I REALLY wish you were here to enjoy it in person. But for now, I will bid you Ma’a salama and….

God Bless America

Wade “Mr. Wide”

مهندس  واد  بروير

Bonus Alert

Okay, my daughter (once again) inspired me – like she has done most of her life – by writing “top ten reasons why my Dad is the best” on her blog (and yes, I cried like a baby – so what?!?) So, here was my reply back (in honor of Father’s day…) and NONE of these are taken off the internet – these are all “Mr. Wide” originals….

Top Ten Reasons I love being a Dad/Granddad...by Wade (the motorcycle riding, superhero t-shirt wearing - Dad/Granddad) Brower

#10.  They have to listen to me....no matter how much they roll their eyes - or make exaggerated "sighs" that they are bored...they have to listen to me.  What is funny is - now that they have become Moms and Dads themselves - now they ask for the advice.  I try not to roll my eyes and sigh when they ask.....

#9. Until they become about 12 - you are "SUPER DAD" - you can beat anyone else up, you are smarter than anyone else - you are the center of their world.  After they turn about 12 - you aren't as smart as the next door neighbor 13 year old - who is way smarter than you - because he/she/it is in "middle school" and they have seen it all.

#8.  I love teaching my kids/grandkids to be productive and show them that real "success" is in your family and your personal values.  Work on loving each other, helping others and being a good person.  Success (financially, spiritually, mentally) will come if you focus on those things. 

#7.  Hearing my kids "pass on" my wisdom (which was passed on to me)....such wise and encouraging words as "If you don't stop crying, I am going to give you something to cry about!"  and "If XXX (put 13 year old name from #9 above here) jumped off a roof, would you do it too?"  (bonus alert....in the middle of using "said wisdom", the child/now parent turns to me and says..."gosh, I sound just like you..."   heh-heh-heh..)

#6. Teaching and correcting my kids (and to a small part, my grandkids) as they grow up and experience life. Basically just being a part of my children's lives as they become productive members of society.  This is a Dad's "graduation" and to see that you are leaving a legacy thru your children/grandchildren to the world at large. 

#5. Watching my/our kids make funny noises and squinch their noses (same with grandkids) as my girl and I kiss/hug.  (btw, not that phony kissy/smoochy stuff - which can be fun occasionally - but they need to see a real kiss on the lips and a real hug - it is important that your kids/grandkids know that real emotion and feelings are part of a great marriage.  There is no reason to hide it.  It should be celebrated!) 

#4. Watching my kids/grandkids achieve something in their personal lives - such as - Civilian of the quarter, promotions, school graduations, etc.  Knowing that I was a (small) part of that is a great feeling.

#3.  Knowing that I am "on call" 24 hours a day, 365 days a year (more on leap year) - and need to be available at a moment's notice....everything from runny noses, to fixing a leak, to being the "shoulder to cry on" - this is what a "real" dad does - without hesitation - without thinking about it - and it is the best part of being a Dad.

#2. You get to experience unconditional love.  It may not be true all the time - but if you have kids - at some point in your life - they will love you unconditionally and you will love them back unconditionally.  Of course, then they learn to talk....and why is the first words they say always "no!"....

and.................... (drum roll, please.....)

#1. Because I said so....

Week 11 - My Week in Iraq

10 June, 2011,

Greetings from Umm Qasr (Umm Qasr, which I believe is Arabic for “the place that momma air conditioners threaten baby air conditioners they will be sent if they misbehave…..”)
Any rate, so how was your week? Good, I hope. Mine was filled with mystery…. intrigue….. adventure….. car chases….. beautiful women…. and….. wait a minute…. oh, that’s right… you probably didn’t know…. I got satellite TV!
Yep, in my little hootch, I went and got a local satellite provider (meaning one of the local ‘Terps I work with) brought it to my hootch and installed it. By the way, it was cheaper and he did a better job than what the guys in the states did when they came to install cable….. and most of the channels are free.
Of course, ‘most of the channels’ are guys in sheik outfits sitting and talking directly to the TV… basically giving a lecture…… so, yeah, if I were an Iraqi, I wouldn’t pay for that either. Actually out of the 450 channels – there are about 5 or 6 that speak English – and show movies. But truthfully, except for Fridays (when I only work an 8 hour day or so) – I usually only turn it on for a bit at night.
So, you probably don’t want to read a whole bunch about my TV viewing habits – this week actually had a lot of promise – I was supposed to go out on a convoy – that got cancelled. Then I was going to go out on a boat – I got bumped. And I was even signing up for a quick helicopter ride – but that got put aside due to problems with the “route” we wanted to take. So I worked in the office and did some (really cool) designs for the Iraqi Navy and the Iraqi Marines.
There were a few other “fun” items – mostly - that I got sick – which basically means that I eat at the DFAC even less than I did before. The medic here told me I should quit drinking coffee and (after I quit laughing hysterically) I told him that would happen as soon as we got rid of the sand here. I really think that I have discovered the secret to losing weight though…..  go to a war zone – have food that was barely edible when it was fresh – freeze it, reheat it, serve it on a paper plate – and of course – offer a “view” of a bunch of concrete walls. Combine that with 120 degree heat – and basically you are at a Federally Funded Fat Camp!
Any rate, I am chugging the Iraqi equivalent of Pepto Bismol like I was a 3-hump camel (you should laugh here – in Iraq, I crack them up). My tummy has been pretty upset. Luckily, one of the ‘Terps brings me Iraqi flatbread every morning. Which is really nice of him – and of course, it is warm (he lives locally and comes to my office directly from the store). But the flatbread is really mild – and we eat it for breakfast with goat cheese or other mild cheeses that he brings in. Sometimes I will put peanut butter and jelly on it instead of the goat cheese. I think when I get back to the states, I am going to have to hunt down a middle-eastern place where they serve flat bread. It is that good. Any rate, the ‘Terp usually comes in after I have been in the office for a while and we sit around and we tell each other stories.
I will call the ‘Terp “Alaska” – he has 3 kids (2 boys and a girl) and they are the cutest kids. But his son Ali (about 4 or 5) was with him when he handed out the soccer shoes (see last week’s episode….). Well, Ali found a pair of shoes that he fell in love with (they were way too big for him) – but he wouldn’t let them go. Alaska promised Ali that he would buy him another pair of shoes – but these were for the kids who couldn’t afford it. But Ali wouldn’t change his mind – he had a death grip on those shoes. Alaska finally had to give him money (for Ali to hold in his hands) and had to specifically promise Ali that he would take him shopping for shoes with that money – before Ali would give up the shoes. Now, if that doesn’t tell you kids all over the world are alike…..

Picking up at the satellite/electrical store in a “rickshaw”

So, I thought (since I had a pretty slow week) I would tell you a little about Umm Qasr. Yes, it is the town near the (only) Iraqi Navy port. It is a couple of square kilometers around and there are about 45,000 people or so and it was also the site of some pretty bad battles back in ‘03. It seems pretty quiet here overall, now – and most of the locals I meet say they are happy we are here. Actually – ALL of the locals I met have told me specifically they want the US to stay…. but, that is a story for another time.

The view from a street vendor looking out on the streets of Umm Qasr

Now you notice there are quite a few motorcycles – actually motor scooters – they are pretty small in motor size – most of them are around a 150cc or so. So they don’t go fast and you can tell they drive pretty recklessly (again, not too much different from the states) but you notice they have no helmets, no boots, or any protective gear whatsoever. They also use the motorcycle “rickshaws” to move items, as that is a lot cheaper than getting a truck and moving stuff around.
When I tell the locals that one of my “joys” is to ride long distance around America with my wife riding on the back – they give me a funny look. To them – the above (the little scooters ) are the norm and they can’t imagine getting their wives or girlfriends to ride along with them. And the roads here are like the wild west – with trucks and cars and all manner of vehicles swerving and screaming along with drivers not paying attention (again – just like the states….). But, imagine the states with no traffic cops – that is what you are dealing with here.

A local market “stand” – where they make the most delicious (and cheap) falafels – wonder why?

Just so you know, on the above picture, the bucket on the side is filled with water. They cook the items in that little stove on top and then put the breaded vegetables in the middle of the flatbread. The “falafel” is actually the little breaded pieces of vegetables that are fried. They put the falafel inside of the flatbread and it is called a falafel sandwich. I call it “lunch.” Of all the things in Iraq I would like to share with you all – warm, soft flatbread is number one on the list. Of course, the poor guy who cooks these things tries to do most of his cooking before noon. Can you imagine cooking over a hot stove, OUTSIDE, when it is 125 degrees?

A view entering the market.  This is everyday open market – note clothing store on left

A few other things that I wanted to show you – notice the red tanks in the picture below? That is their “water supply”. What happens here is… city water is only on for a few hours a day – so when it comes on, they hook up their hoses and pump it to their “above ground storage tanks” (or ASTs as we call them). Then, they have access to the water for the rest of the day. The water is always hot as it is “solar heated” (I don’t know if I told you – but all of our hot water tanks on the camp are turned off as well – so our “cold water” in the shower is now the hot water – and the hot water taps pour out cool water – as that is the water that has been sitting in the hot water tank in the cool CHU….does that make sense?). You can call it “green” if you want, but that’s not the way they see it. And I see it as unsanitary – as well. 

Reconstruction of a local house happening

The Iraqi version of “Disneyland” the official name is
“mootenizzeh Umm Qasr”

I did ask Alaska if he takes the kids to the local “theme park” and he said he does occasionally, but it is not something they do all the time. I am hoping (and his kids are as well) that they will be going to the theme park this weekend – so I am hoping to have some photos for you next week of the inside of “Mootenizzeh Umm Qasr!”  (and I am totally serious here….)
Okay - change of pace…… I now want to leave you with a love story. As I said in the initial update – I am going to write about what I see/what I know…. so here you go:
I want to tell you about a boy who met the love of his life when he was 12 years old. She was a beautiful, popular young woman who had an engaging laugh and a quick sense of humor. He was a short, quirky kid with a weird sense of humor and a Midwestern accent. They became friends and even though she was WAY out of his league – she was always friends with him and he always knew she was special.
After about four years of friendship, this young girl noticed the boy – and she saw what VERY few others saw in him…. and he… well, even though they were just friends – he lived to hear her laugh. So she finally agreed to “go out” with him (and yes, this was a LONG time ago – so “going out” meant playing pinball at the local pool hall and watching Kung Fu movies at the local drive in.)
All of the girl’s friends (when she told them that she was going out with this boy) said, “Really?” – like it was a joke or a mistake. They kept waiting for the punch line…. but the more interesting thing is – after several weeks of them going out – to almost everyone – it made sense. She calmed him down and made him a better person….. he adored her and made her laugh. They became almost inseparable – as they were friends first and boyfriend and girlfriend after that.
Her mother and father kind of panicked that their young daughter and this neighborhood kid were so close – and even though they were only 17 and 18 at the time – they announced that they wanted to get married. Can you imagine what the parents’ (both sets) reactions were?  "Are you two nuts?!?"  Anyway, her mother INSISTED that he get his high school diploma before they get married. And he had to ask his mother for “written permission” to get married as he was still 17.

They were told to go get 3 “counseling sessions” from a counselor of their choice – they chose her church pastor. The day of their first counseling session – the pastor’s wife had walked out and left him that morning... They never went back to counseling – but still pressed on to get married. A lot of people told them they shouldn’t get married – they were too young – but everyone who met them saw how happy the two of them were together.
So to end the story, the day this young boy graduated high school (that very afternoon) – he married the love of his life. And they have lived happily ever after. That day was 14 June, 1974 – thirty seven years ago this coming Tuesday. Of the thirty seven years, they have spent only two anniversaries apart – one (their 30^th) in 2004, when he was in Afghanistan – and the other in 2011 – while he is in Iraq.
Is it a love story they will write books about or compose songs about? Probably not, but what a great life they have had. After 37 years of marriage – she still sees in him the “special” qualities that nobody else sees. He still adores her and lives to hear her laugh.
And, dear reader, I want you to know something…. even though I have shared these with you…. these updates are really written to her. You see, I know that she tears up when she reads something that affects me deeply. I know she feels proud when I describe things -  like the way our service members handle themselves or when people do selfless things. I know that she laughs at every single one of my silly little jokes. You are not reading a “weekly update”…. each of these I write -  you are reading an open love letter.
Happy Anniversary,  my girl.

SO… my special readers of this letter…... my time has flown by once again – and I need to get back to doing what you all sent me over here to do. Thank you for sharing my “adventure” and for being part of my wonderful life. 

God Bless America

Wade “Mr. Wide”

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