Saba al hair (Good morning). Ente shlonek? (How are you?) Greetings from Umm Qasr (Umm Qasr which I believe is Arabic for “place thermometer here….” – and anyone who has ever taken a baby’s temperature will hopefully “get” that one….) I hope your week has been pleasant. Mine has been filled with the usual fun-filled frolics and foibles… (well, at least as much frolicking and “foibling” as you can do in a war zone).
Okay, I have to start out with this story:
One of my interpreters is a young man that I have written to you about previously – about 26 years old or so – very hardworking guy (he is one of the guys who ALWAYS brings me food). Well, Haleem has 3 young kids – 2 very handsome boys and 1 daughter. The daughter, Zaenab, had her first birthday and so the family wanted to make a big deal out of it. They did. They had a party with all of the relatives and music and several cakes – BUT – Haleem’s wife wanted him to go get a “special” cake.” Here is Haleem’s little girl:
One of my interpreters is a young man that I have written to you about previously – about 26 years old or so – very hardworking guy (he is one of the guys who ALWAYS brings me food). Well, Haleem has 3 young kids – 2 very handsome boys and 1 daughter. The daughter, Zaenab, had her first birthday and so the family wanted to make a big deal out of it. They did. They had a party with all of the relatives and music and several cakes – BUT – Haleem’s wife wanted him to go get a “special” cake.” Here is Haleem’s little girl:
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| 1 year old – and full of life… |
So, Haleem being the “man” he is, does what every man does – he tells his wife he will take care of getting the “special” cake for his baby girl – and then he promptly forgets about it until the last minute.
Alrighty then, so the night before the party, Haleem’s wife asks him when is he going to deliver the cake….he, of course, says he has got it handled – and he will bring it tomorrow around noon. Ten minutes later, he goes racing to the store to find a “semi-nice” cake – so he throws open the doors to the bakery, runs up to the counter and breathlessly asks how long will it take them to make him a special cake and what will it cost? Two days and $35. AACK! Now, he is in REAL trouble - first, it will take two days – and the party is tomorrow and next, $35 for a cake. Basically, understand that this is probably like you or me paying around $350 for a cake – that is absolutely insane.
Again, Haleem does what every man would do in this situation – he calls his wife and tries to weasel out of it. Are you sure you want me to get a cake? Won’t there be other cakes there? What if it costs a lot of money? On and on… but Haleem’s wife stands firm. It is important to have a “special cake” for little Zaenab. She only turns one once. And the whole family will be there. So where is the cake, Haleem???
Yep, once again, Haleem, the Iraqi male – handles it like any man would across the globe – he does what all married men do when they are faced with an impossible situation involving his wife – he panics! And to dig himself in even further – he goes to the worst human resource possible - another male! So this “friend” (and not me, for goodness sake) reminds him that occasionally the DFAC at the base has some old cakes that they will throw out if no one eats them within a certain time frame. The cakes are still good – although they are starting to get old. But it is late at night so Haleem has to wait until the next morning. Talk about a restless night!!
Well, he gets up early the next day and screams out of his house and drives over to the base DFAC. Now understand, this is Iraq – Haleem has to drive to the Iraq Navy front gate, get searched, check in, park his car, walk to the camp – which is about a 30-minute walk. Haleem jogged the entire way – then when he gets to the camp area, he gets searched again, has to report to his boss, go through a few other things ….. and all the time, the clock is ticking…. Finally, he finishes all he has to do and he gets a chance to go to the DFAC. He runs up to the cook – I swear to you the cook actually had the cakes on a cart and was heading towards the trash - getting ready to throw them out. Haleem runs up to him just before he starts to open the garbage can lid (it was that close) and there he sees three of the most beautiful birthday cakes… so he picks out the nicest one and gives the cook a HUGE hug. Then he starts the reverse process. Of course, now he is carrying a birthday cake with him – so he gets re-searched, checks out, jogs to the Iraqi Navy gate, gets in his car, drives home – all the while, protecting his precious cargo.
He runs into the house – and there his whole family is waiting for him – his precious Zaenab in her beautiful birthday dress – sitting at the “head” of the party and in walks Haleem with his little girl’s “special birthday cake.” He gently puts the cake down in front of his smiling baby girl. His wife kisses him. What a great dad – he remembered this special moment for his little girl. He spent extra time and money to get the special cake and he even asked the Americans to make it for him. They even wrote on it for his special little girl.
Family: “Haleem – please – you are the only one who can read or write “Englese” (English) – please…. translate the wording for your family what this American writing means.
Haleem: “Oh. That’s too easy -
“UNITED” – that means “happy”
“STATES” – that means “birth”
“ARMY” – That means “day”
Think I am kidding?
Again, Haleem does what every man would do in this situation – he calls his wife and tries to weasel out of it. Are you sure you want me to get a cake? Won’t there be other cakes there? What if it costs a lot of money? On and on… but Haleem’s wife stands firm. It is important to have a “special cake” for little Zaenab. She only turns one once. And the whole family will be there. So where is the cake, Haleem???
Yep, once again, Haleem, the Iraqi male – handles it like any man would across the globe – he does what all married men do when they are faced with an impossible situation involving his wife – he panics! And to dig himself in even further – he goes to the worst human resource possible - another male! So this “friend” (and not me, for goodness sake) reminds him that occasionally the DFAC at the base has some old cakes that they will throw out if no one eats them within a certain time frame. The cakes are still good – although they are starting to get old. But it is late at night so Haleem has to wait until the next morning. Talk about a restless night!!
Well, he gets up early the next day and screams out of his house and drives over to the base DFAC. Now understand, this is Iraq – Haleem has to drive to the Iraq Navy front gate, get searched, check in, park his car, walk to the camp – which is about a 30-minute walk. Haleem jogged the entire way – then when he gets to the camp area, he gets searched again, has to report to his boss, go through a few other things ….. and all the time, the clock is ticking…. Finally, he finishes all he has to do and he gets a chance to go to the DFAC. He runs up to the cook – I swear to you the cook actually had the cakes on a cart and was heading towards the trash - getting ready to throw them out. Haleem runs up to him just before he starts to open the garbage can lid (it was that close) and there he sees three of the most beautiful birthday cakes… so he picks out the nicest one and gives the cook a HUGE hug. Then he starts the reverse process. Of course, now he is carrying a birthday cake with him – so he gets re-searched, checks out, jogs to the Iraqi Navy gate, gets in his car, drives home – all the while, protecting his precious cargo.
He runs into the house – and there his whole family is waiting for him – his precious Zaenab in her beautiful birthday dress – sitting at the “head” of the party and in walks Haleem with his little girl’s “special birthday cake.” He gently puts the cake down in front of his smiling baby girl. His wife kisses him. What a great dad – he remembered this special moment for his little girl. He spent extra time and money to get the special cake and he even asked the Americans to make it for him. They even wrote on it for his special little girl.
Family: “Haleem – please – you are the only one who can read or write “Englese” (English) – please…. translate the wording for your family what this American writing means.
Haleem: “Oh. That’s too easy -
“UNITED” – that means “happy”
“STATES” – that means “birth”
“ARMY” – That means “day”
Think I am kidding?
So, Haleem is the “toast” of the family. He is smart, he is working and he loves his family (all are true), but…. during Zaenab’s party, there were photos and people dancing and videos. What would happen if his wife ever found out – or if someone who could read English saw the pictures? Again Haleem, with all of his “man-training”, does what any male in this situation would do. Lie, sneak around, and cover his tracks. So for the next two hours, Haleem watches everyone taking pictures – he politely tells everyone that he has a camera – so he will take most of the photos. He “accidentally” steps in front of the cake when people are taking photos. And after the cake is eaten – he finds a way to get the other cameras and “accidentally” erases any of the incriminating photos…. just the ones with pictures of the cake…. but nobody seems to notice.
Haleem does realize that, eventually, he will be caught – so he “saves” some of the photos on his personal computer – which is how I got them. But he figures that in two years, if he finally tells his wife, she will laugh hard and forgive him.
Again, it sounds like Haleem “got away with it”, right? Well, he made one fatal error. You see, he was so proud of himself that he HAD to tell someone. So he told….. Capt. Esmele and yours truly. And of course, we, being the excellent role models of male behavior that we are…… we hold it over his head EVERY chance we get. ”Haleem…. do this or I am going to call your wife”. One of the electricians that came to give me a bid on something happened to be Haleem’s neighbor. ”Hey Haleem, does your neighbor know how to spell “United States?” “Haleem, tomorrow I think you should bring us breakfast – what do you think? Should I call your wife and ask her?” So, maybe his wife doesn’t know about the cake – but we are making sure that he is being punished.
Haleem does realize that, eventually, he will be caught – so he “saves” some of the photos on his personal computer – which is how I got them. But he figures that in two years, if he finally tells his wife, she will laugh hard and forgive him.
Again, it sounds like Haleem “got away with it”, right? Well, he made one fatal error. You see, he was so proud of himself that he HAD to tell someone. So he told….. Capt. Esmele and yours truly. And of course, we, being the excellent role models of male behavior that we are…… we hold it over his head EVERY chance we get. ”Haleem…. do this or I am going to call your wife”. One of the electricians that came to give me a bid on something happened to be Haleem’s neighbor. ”Hey Haleem, does your neighbor know how to spell “United States?” “Haleem, tomorrow I think you should bring us breakfast – what do you think? Should I call your wife and ask her?” So, maybe his wife doesn’t know about the cake – but we are making sure that he is being punished.
Women of the world……. yer welcome!
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| Historians will often debate exactly when “Mexaqi” was invented…but we will know the truth….. |
Alright, another fun thing we did was make a new type of food. Yep. You have heard of “Tex-Mex”? Well, now I am introducing “Mex-aqi” food! Yep, my wonderful wife sent me a bunch of Mexican food (refried beans, rice, cheeses, etc.) so I decided to have a meal with all of the interpreters. Well, we had to “supplement” with some local food – so we had lamb and spanish rice and refried beans and vegetables and we could put it on tortillas or hobis (the Iraqi version of tortillas – a little larger and a bit more “crunchy” than tortillas at times) – but it was SOOOO good. On these photos, I cut off most of the faces of the interpreters – even though they gave me permission to use. These are very brave young men who face danger by working with the Americans – so I don’t want to put them in any more danger (I did ask Haleem’s permission to use his daughter’s photos as well. And he was fine with that. He is proud of his kids.) But don’t think this was lousy camera work – I wanted to make sure they were all safe.
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| BTW, Haleem is in the black t-shirt with a Mexaqi burrito |
We found out that if you wrap it all up in one big burrito – it is wonderful. I am not sure exactly how they prepare the lamb – but it is FRESH lamb – and so tender. The Iraqis are kind of known for using “minimal” spices when they prepare food – but the lamb was so tender and seemed to melt in your mouth – then you combine that with all of the spicy cheeses, the Mexican rice and the vegetables (which Iraqis LOVE their vegetables). Well, all that talk of a Federally Funded Fat Camp – flew out the window. So that was a LOT of fun…. for all of us.
Also, this week, I got to “skype” with my daughter’s Sunday School class – and I got to show off for…. er – um ….I got to “teach” a small group of really beautiful women. What a fun time for me – and what a great distraction. As I have said, it is so often “Groundhog Day” here. Anything that helps break up that monotony is SO appreciated. But I had some slides prepared. I would talk about how women in the “Arab culture” are treated. I thought I was going to only talk for about 10-15 minutes. Well, it went for the whole hour. I couldn’t believe it (although because she is my daughter, Tiffany figured I would probably talk the whole time). But I really enjoyed it – and I think they had fun as well. I am also planning to skype with my own Sunday School class this next Sunday. Although that will be just to “check in” so they know I am not being “converted….” (kidding, kidding)
BUT – on the idea of being converted - there is a mosque not a couple of hundred feet from our camp. You know what they do at Mosques, right? They have guys get up in the tower and sing. Well, some might call it singing.
But, five times a day they have a “singer” – and in reality, it is some recording that they play over a sound system. We get to hear this (constantly). And again, I have no problem with it…. but, …aren’t there any religious guys over here who can carry a tune?? Oh my gosh – the agony they sound like they are in! (I really wonder, if say… Elvis or Frank Sinatra sound as bad to them as their singers sound to me?). So I had a talk with my good friend, the camp mayor, (and he is a retired minister). But, we are thinking about sneaking up into the mosque tower before he rotates out (this fall sometime). And then, at the top of our lungs – start singing the Grand Funk Version of…..
BUT – on the idea of being converted - there is a mosque not a couple of hundred feet from our camp. You know what they do at Mosques, right? They have guys get up in the tower and sing. Well, some might call it singing.
But, five times a day they have a “singer” – and in reality, it is some recording that they play over a sound system. We get to hear this (constantly). And again, I have no problem with it…. but, …aren’t there any religious guys over here who can carry a tune?? Oh my gosh – the agony they sound like they are in! (I really wonder, if say… Elvis or Frank Sinatra sound as bad to them as their singers sound to me?). So I had a talk with my good friend, the camp mayor, (and he is a retired minister). But, we are thinking about sneaking up into the mosque tower before he rotates out (this fall sometime). And then, at the top of our lungs – start singing the Grand Funk Version of…..
EVERYBODY DOIN' A BRAND NEW DANCE NOOOWWW -
C’mon baby, do the locomotion…
I KNOW YOU'LL GET TO LIKE IT IF YOU GIVE IT A CHANCE NOOOOWW -
C’mon baby…… Well, you get the idea. And no, we won’t really do it – we both like living too much. But it is a fun thing, a distraction, that we laugh about.
And that, dear reader, is how you get through a year-long deployment – laughter, distractions, good food, meeting new people, making good friends, and knowing that you also have good friends and loved ones at home waiting for you. I thank you all for waiting for me. I can’t wait to see all of you again.
And, just like the superheroes that I enjoy reading about – I must be out to fight evil in my own way – by assisting the Iraqi Navy and the US Forces that train them - to be able to continue that fight. And it is an honorable fight that we are engaged in. If you don’t believe me, I will be happy to talk to you about the Taliban and some of the other terrible organizations here. We must prevail. Do not be fooled, there is evil here that will make the deepest parts of your soul shudder – this is not a comic book super villain, these are real people who would gladly give their lives to have women in bondage – mental, physical and spiritual – as well as kill anyone who doesn’t believe their way. When you see the things they have done or what they want to do – it is scary. I worry when I hear withdrawal timetables and winding down. I want to go home more than anyone – but there are real live people here who are depending upon us. Now do you see why I cropped the faces off of the interpreters above? They risk their lives daily to support their country and make life good for their kids. They are good, honorable men. I have so much – freedom, liberty, children who are free. How can I NOT give them a year of my life? How can we – as real Americans - look away?
Finally, this week, we celebrate the 4th of July - the founding of our nation -
and I just want to say one thing to America....
UNITED STATES ARMY (Happy Birth Day!)
God Bless America
Wade “Mr. Wide”
I KNOW YOU'LL GET TO LIKE IT IF YOU GIVE IT A CHANCE NOOOOWW -
C’mon baby…… Well, you get the idea. And no, we won’t really do it – we both like living too much. But it is a fun thing, a distraction, that we laugh about.
And that, dear reader, is how you get through a year-long deployment – laughter, distractions, good food, meeting new people, making good friends, and knowing that you also have good friends and loved ones at home waiting for you. I thank you all for waiting for me. I can’t wait to see all of you again.
And, just like the superheroes that I enjoy reading about – I must be out to fight evil in my own way – by assisting the Iraqi Navy and the US Forces that train them - to be able to continue that fight. And it is an honorable fight that we are engaged in. If you don’t believe me, I will be happy to talk to you about the Taliban and some of the other terrible organizations here. We must prevail. Do not be fooled, there is evil here that will make the deepest parts of your soul shudder – this is not a comic book super villain, these are real people who would gladly give their lives to have women in bondage – mental, physical and spiritual – as well as kill anyone who doesn’t believe their way. When you see the things they have done or what they want to do – it is scary. I worry when I hear withdrawal timetables and winding down. I want to go home more than anyone – but there are real live people here who are depending upon us. Now do you see why I cropped the faces off of the interpreters above? They risk their lives daily to support their country and make life good for their kids. They are good, honorable men. I have so much – freedom, liberty, children who are free. How can I NOT give them a year of my life? How can we – as real Americans - look away?
Finally, this week, we celebrate the 4th of July - the founding of our nation -
and I just want to say one thing to America....
UNITED STATES ARMY (Happy Birth Day!)
God Bless America
Wade “Mr. Wide”
مهندس واد بروير
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