Week 22 - My Week In Iraq

Khefahalla elleyom?  (how are you today?)

Greetings from Umm Qasr (Umm Qasr, which I believe is Arabic for “Yep – we have four seasons – hot, really hot, scorching hot and …are you kidding me???”)

Well, it has been a busy week – I would say interesting and fun – but let’s just stick with busy for now. Okay, first up is the little Umm Qasr Knot area I told you about – well, the “Coffee Shop” is getting closer to opening – it would have opened already except the opening was delayed due to some administrative stuff. In a war zone… hello!…. we have seen the enemy and it is……paperwork. If Al Qaeda really wants to defeat us, all they have to do is demand we do everything in triplicate and have it signed off by a lawyer – or they will sue us. We will come to a grinding halt and will be mired in the muck for years. Any rate, as promised, here are a few pics of the new coffee shop area…

Okay, you can see the covering for the “roof” is now completed and they have placed tables and chairs in the area….I love the “fencing” they used and am going to place it in a few other locations as well…

Closeup of the seating area.  Do you see the “church pew” in the back?  That was removed from Camp Bucca when they closed it (a lot of items were “sold” once Camp Bucca closed).  Of course, they “re-covered” the pews – and they still have the little kneeling benches on the back….  How about the couch set? All 3 pieces – they offered to sell me for $500…I have a nice hootch – but not that nice.

One of the funny (interesting) things is when I talk to the Iraqis about life in the US – about how much we all “worry” about the lawyers and if we get sued or panic about if we are liable. It is just not a part of the culture here (and in ways, it is scary, but in ways it is refreshing). Now, I have NEVER (25+ years of construction management) had anyone hurt on my watch (other than a minor scratch or two). But here in Iraq, it is, “well, if you are stupid enough to do it – then you are stupid enough to be responsible for the consequences.” And sometimes, the Iraqis are not known for the “safe” approach. 

Alright – I want you to read this next part VERY CAREFULLY – as I would not put people in danger – but I want to tell you the story about “repairing a high voltage line” in Iraq. What happened is this – a crane was moving some CHUs around. Well, the driver wasn’t careful and he bumped into a high power line (BTW, NOT on my watch) – but when he hit the high power line – (he was fasting for Ramadan so his higher power must have been watching out for him - as by all rights he should have been a French fry….) – but he hit the high power line, knocked it off the insulator – and he almost sheared the wire in half. Luckily, the line held – it broke off the shielding and was held in place by two thin wires. It was just there dangling in the breeze – waiting for the first good wind to rip it apart. Well, the Iraqi base was without power for a few hours. Now, when something happens, the Iraqi Navy has learned to call “Mr. Wide” and see if I can help them get things fixed.

So I didn’t know the base was without power (not a good thing when it is 115 degrees outside) – so after I heard, I scrambled around and I finally get the “Umm Qasr electrician” to come out and “repair” the line. The Iraqi Navy supplied the “bucket” that they typically put on a crane and lift the guys up (they really don’t have a “bucket truck” down in this part of Iraq). So the guys come on base (I helped get them on) and I am watching the “electricians” repairing the line.

Later on, this guy was telling the Iraqis that he paid $50 for a “special tool” to test the wires to see if the power was off (the power was off – we were in contact with the Iraqi base – and they had shut the power off – and he is TOTALLY correct to check it.) I didn’t have a problem with him checking the power, but I wanted to show you the $50 “tool”

That $50 tool is a stick with two wires attached to it.  If the power was on, it would have sparked across the lines.  The power was off – so all was good.

So, the power was off – below you can see a “closeup” of the “bucket.” Now understand, this is NOT U.S. forces or under our authority – it is all Iraqi work. And yes, that is plywood, 2x4’s and a metal grating for the flooring. They were up there for a total of about 5 minutes.

Well, the “electrician” thought he was doing work for the Americans. So here is the deal – he comes over and I show him the damaged area. He goes back and gets about $5 worth of parts. I make arrangements with the Iraqis to get the bucket truck and the crane – he comes into the base, gets on the bucket and gets lifted up in the air. He spends (maybe) 5 minutes up there. He comes down and he tells me he wants to get paid. Interesting.

Closeup of the bucket

Now, before I tell you about this guy – I want you to know some of the stories about working for Americans here are ridiculous – (the rumors include) we pay interpreters $10,000 a month (FYI - not even close). We take them on fancy trips to Bahrain and other places (well, the only fancy place I have been is the Iraqi Navy DFAC – so I don’t know where that came from)….. So basically, anytime someone hears “working for an American” it is like they think they have won the lottery. 

Okay, about this guy…. he is an Iraqi Government employee – and he probably makes about $30 (or if he is high ranking enough) $40 a day (yes….a day). So for ten minutes work, I am going to be generous and suggest they pay him $100 (they asked for me to help – so I want to take care of the guy). For ten minutes work – more than two days pay…. (and by the way, he is still on the clock – getting his normal pay for this time)…. I am thinking the guy is going to be embarrassed that we offer him so much. Mohandis (Engineer) Amjad even tells me that this is a little too generous – but hey, I want him to know I appreciate him helping the Iraqi Navy. Amjad jokingly tells me he is going to offer the guy $50 and keep $50 for himself (Amjad was definitely kidding)…

So the electrician walks up to Amjad and says, “$300.”

Amjad laughs at the guy…. literally, he broke out laughing. He wanted the equivalent of more than a week’s pay. Does he think he works for Chrysler? Sheesh, part of his job is to be available for emergency work and that is what this was. I told him to go visit the Iraqi Navy (figuring if he heard that, he would lower his price to a reasonable amount) – but he was insulted that he was being offered less. So after about ten minutes of arguing with him – I sent him over to see the Iraqi Navy Officer. Haleem took the electrician over there. The Captain said to Haleem, “Thank Mr. Wade very much – we will handle this from here. Now please leave.”

What Haleem told me later, was that the Captain had told the guy that this was bad for Iraq. Guys shouldn’t be greedy and just want to take money because they think we are Americans and don’t know the value of money…. (FYI…I am too much of an Okie to NOT know the value of money – no matter where I am…)….. but any rate, I think the electrician got a little insight into working with the Americans…. and I think he got a “life lesson” from the Captain.

Okay, on to other things – more fun things like…. BUILDIN’ STUFF…..

You have heard of the “Wailing Wall?”  This is the “Mr. Wade-ing” Wall….

Okay, from the picture above -  it is a long story, but essentially because of someone’s previous great ideas, I had to run a sewer pipe (grey water only) across the ground – well, it can’t sit like that – as people would step on it, yadda, yadda, yadda. So in the little “Knot” area, (I am trying to make it look “more like Iraq.”) So I had them build this “wall” over the top of the area – it serves to cover and protect the pipe – as well as give a little seating/bench area near the Knot. So it is not “done” yet either – but the picture above shows how they “frame out” the wall in Iraq – and the pictures below shows the almost finished product. By the way, I asked them for a “step” – and when I saw the step (below) –

I was like, “Are you crazy? That’s not a step….that’s a tiptoe!” (they didn’t “get” it) – but they said, (probably to save face) – “No Mr. Wide – this is just to show you the height and to see if you like it.” Okay, I can live with that – and they didn’t build the step on the other side, so I can take that as a reasonable excuse (and by the way, I have had WAY more wilder excuses…. and that includes those heard while working in the states as well….)

For Umm Qasr (and Iraq), this is actually not terrible work.

A “closeup” of the ceramic tile that was put on top of the “bench” Again, quality of workmanship is on a different level in Iraq.  I would not accept this in the states – but for here, it is actually pretty nice.  The “spots” in the texture are where it is drying.  It will eventually become one color.

Okay so that was fun……well, my time is about up – so one last thing I want to leave you with. Remember how I told you a few weeks back that Haleem was so excited about his upcoming Visa interview? No word on that yet, but one of the other interpreters, Deeya – came and visited me as well. He has his interview set up in the Baghdad Embassy in December – and he is now to the point where he is getting all of the paperwork for his wife and 6 kids to come to America. Even though they are interpreters, sometimes they have a hard time reading the “legalese” that we in America get so used to. But he wants to do the (MOUNTAIN of) paperwork correctly. There is also a ton of legal fees, doctor fees, etc. (that Iraq is charging – not America). I feel honored that he came to me asking for assistance. But even so, to see him struggle to figure out all of the things and work so hard to come to America – well, I know it is sappy….but, darn it, it brings a lump to my throat. The same with Haleem – and for all of these people here that are trying so hard to immigrate legally. They KNOW….let me repeat that….they KNOW…that America is the best place (bar none) in the world to live – especially when you have to start from scratch. They also know that they are going to have to work hard and learn new things and get used to new cultures and peoples….and you know what?? I am SO EXCITED for them! What a wonderful thing (Haleem is fairly young – but Deeya is an old guy like me) but what a wonderful thing for them to have these adventures ahead of them – for their young kids and their other family members…. And I have no doubt in my mind – NO DOUBT, that they are going to come to America and live out their lives in peace, pursuing happiness, and freedom….That is our founding fathers’ gift to us and subsequently - your and my gift to them….. and we shouldn’t take it lightly. Peace, Pursuing Happiness…. and Freedom. Now THERE is something worthy of “re-gifting.”

Well, my loved ones – my time for this week has disappeared. I hope this finds you all well. Just know that you have a special place in my heart and if I could be anywhere other than where God has called me to be right this minute – it would be at your side.

God bless America

Mr. Wide

مهندس  واد  بروير

Week 21 - My Week In Iraq

Gkeer-gee-yah awn!! (and I am totally NOT kidding about this…. more to follow)

Greetings from Umm Qasr (Umm Qasr, which I believe is Arabic for “It is so hot…..what the heck, ignore the label on the Campbell’s soup can….just pour and eat.”)

Okay, I have never heard of this – but it is true (seriously – I have had too many Iraqis explain it that it can’t be)….. but on the 15^th night of Ramadan – they have what is called “Gkeer-gee-yah-awn”. See if this sounds familiar.

Once night falls, the kids take these bags and put them around their neck and then, all of the kids go to various houses in the neighborhood and knock on the door. When the door opens up – they sing a little song – I am not sure if it varies from north to south, but in Umm Qasr they sing this:

“Gkeer-gee-yahawn, Gkeergeeyahawn, Gkeergeeyahawn,

From last year to this year, God bless you,

You give me or we give you,

When you give to me, we take to the God house.
God’s house will give you gold and everything.

Give us this or we leave.”

(What was funny was watching Haleem sing it from memory - and then repeat it back to me in English….kind of like if someone were to ask you to translate “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” – you would (or at least I would) have to sing it – and then repeat the words back as I sang it.)

So once the kids finish singing their song on the stoop of the house – the person at the door puts little snacks and store-bought candies or popcorn into their bags that hang around their neck. And the kids smile and laugh and run away to go to another house. Hmm… it does sound kind of familiar, doesn’t it? Of course, here they don’t dress up in costumes …

For weeks before Gkeergeeyahawn, the kids look for bags and get excited about going and getting candy….and of course, they memorize the Gkeergeeyahawn song….

Everyone gets into the Gkeergeeyahahn spirit…. 

Now, Haleem says that most of the kids in his neighborhood (which is a little “rougher” side of town) sing it more like this:  “Give us some candy or we break your window when you are not watching.” I guess that is more of the darker side of Gkeergeeyahawn. And before you get “offended” – let me tell you what I did when I was a kid….. I took a paper bag and went and got some warm….. (oops- Pastors, Mothers and Granddaughter’s “clause” invoked here….) So anyrate, that is what Gkeergee-yahawn means. I hope next time you hear it, you will be prepared to respond.

Another interesting thing happened that I was involved in – in regards to Ramadan. We were having some ac units delivered – when the driver says (over the phone), "I have to wait until after (midday) prayers to make the delivery…." and of course, all of the Iraqis were like, “Oh, yeah. Mako mishkala (no problem).” Well, I have a problem…. what is that all about?

So, here is the deal – if you go more than 22 kilometers from your place of worship - you must return back to that place BEFORE the midday prayers – or you are required to break the fast and have some food and water – but here is the kicker – you then “owe” another day of fasting at some time in the future (could be next year, could be right after Ramadan – it doesn’t matter – you “owe” another day of fasting). Why 22 km? Not sure – no one here could answer that. I even asked, “So, if you are 20 km away and don’t make it back - it is okay?” “Yep.” Something about the 22 km – I am going to try and find out – but so far….no idea. And yes, I could Google it or Wikipedia it – but I would rather find out if any of the Muslims know.

Okay now….. let’s get to the part you really want to hear about…. the FOOD, right?!?! Well, here you go. These are called Kharoof Sambusa – there is lamb in there – it is kind of like a meat baklava (SOOOO – good). Well, these have replaced lamb kebab as my favorite. You can eat them several ways – for instance, Haleem likes to put them in a samoon – and make like a sandwich. Me? I just “heat and eat”, baby. They are a little slice of Iraqi heaven

“Kharoof Sambusa – little meat pies from heaven…..”

Now, just so you don’t think I eat only greasy, fattening stuff (I am trying – but they keep bringing all this other stuff for me to eat as well.) There is an abundance of dates, pears, figs, tomatoes, torshi (pickled vegetables), cucumbers, etc. Of course, I push them off to the side – so I can eat the fattening stuff – but, hey… they are here. Actually, Mohandis Fakhri brought me a bowl of dates and I ate them like candy throughout the day.

Something all men crave – a couple of hot dates!! (c’mon, admit it –
you were expecting this from me, weren’t you?)

So, what else has “Mr. Wide” been up to, you may ask? Well, remember a few weeks ago – I told you about the little area I am calling, “Umm Qasr Knot?” (The “knot” refers to a nautical term – since I am here working with the Navy – but it also stands for “NOT Umm Qasr”) Well, we finally have some of the stuff in place and I have gotten with one of the local guys to set up an area to sell coffee (normally, Armed Forces Services Exchange would do this – but for several reasons – mostly because we are a small camp out in the boonies, we are having a local guy do it). So he has been working on his area. Here is a photo of the front of his shop “in progress”

Coffee, Tea or Me?

Actually, this is so cool – he has almost put the cover over the whole top now – and we are hoping he will open up today – or maybe tomorrow. Also, the Iraqis LOVE (ahab) to put lights up. Year-round, they turn the lights on and it is really kind of cool. Hopefully, I will have more pictures for you next week on this – but they are working very hard to get it up and running. And they have already told me that I get to be the first customer (which I guess is an honor, right?  But then, I also guess it depends upon how much they charge). But they will sell smoothies, iced coffees, hot coffees, etc. Eventually, they are going to open up a bakery and a little grocery store. I hope the camp will support this – as there really are no other options for taking a break here.

So all right, you are probably asking yourself, “Self, with all of this food and coffee and learning about Ramadan (and of course, writing these “oh – so – clever updates”…) - when the heck does Wade ever work??” Well, that is a good question. So – I thought I would show you a little of what I have been doing. First, remember a few weeks ago – I showed you the very tall concrete spires? My two wonderful local engineers, Fakhri and Amjad – along with your hero – have been working very hard on getting all the dimensions and all of the existing buildings in that area. There were also some very rough buildings that need renovation and other items. The first step in repairing the buildings is to come up with some ideas – and a “master plan” for the compound. The best way to do that, is to get to “know” the area. I do that by going and investigating all the buildings and then putting them on a scale drafting drawing. So here is a “faux representation” of the plan that I have been working on. (Please note – that I have put these way out of proportion for showing you this – some things are not in the right place, etc. – so understand that this is not the real drawing – and some (or all??) buildings have been moved….and some are not even there!! So this is NOT an operational security problem, okay?) But here is some of what we have been doing….

Remember the concrete “spires” – they are on the right side of this drawing (the tall “boxes”….and yes, I have done all of these drawings myself.....and that is a soccer field up in the corner….But this is the “first step” in making a “master plan” for a large complex – you start with any existing buildings, make an overall plan – and then incorporate new buildings into the plan – and then work up details (costs, schedules, contracting documents, etc.)  As I said, drawings, buildings, etc. are not what they really are size-wise or placement-wise – so this is just to show you some of the “type” of work I have been doing.

And of course, as I go investigate these buildings and areas - the best part is I get to wear a 35 lb. vest all the time I am walking and taking measurements and checking things out. Of course, we have had a “break in the weather” - it has not gotten over 115 degrees this week. (Believe it or not, it does make a difference…. Not a HUGE difference, but you can tell after about 15 minutes outside….)

I just find it hard to describe how nasty it is when it is over 120 degrees outside and the wind is blowing about 30 miles per hour. I don’t know if I have shared this with you all – but when I go to my hootch, I have to walk by all of these air conditioning units – and they are blowing out hot air. Well, a couple of times, I have walked by the ac unit and gotten a blast of hot air – and then walked around the end of the CHU and the hot wind is blowing so nasty – that I can’t tell the difference. So if you are curious what it feels like, the next time it is around 100 degrees outside – go stand at the “exhaust” of your ac unit.  That is what it is like….. yuck.

Well, it is probably time I go. Thank you for sharing my adventures with me….I look forward to the time I can tell you in person…..

God bless America

Mr. Wide

مهندس  واد  بروير

And.......... Bonus Photo……

Bad boys, bad boys……whatcha gonna do?

Week 20 - My Week In Iraq

Ramadan Khareem (Basically – “enjoy your Ramadan” – I like the way Mohandis Fakhri puts it – “generous Ramadan”)

Greetings from Umm Qasr! (Umm Qasr – which I believe is Arabic for “…so hot that the trees are looking for shade….and a dog….”)

I hope you have had a great week.  For me – all’s I can say is…. for these guys fasting, there sure is a LOT of food around here…. the interesting thing is that I get to eat all of these “new foods” that the guys bring (the interpreters and the local engineers). Apparently, they are asking their wives if they can bring me their leftovers – just because they love to see me try new things (and they can laugh at me when I try and pronounce the names). So what new “delicacies” have I been partaking of, you may ask?  Well, try a couple of these….

Khameesa made from Kharoof – the small bowl is the kharoof (sheep) – so tender – and the large bowl is an eggplant, onion and other stew (it looks greasy – but it is not – it is the juices stewing….)

I know it is difficult to look at a picture and discern the taste – but the kharoof was stewed (and it would fall apart as soon as you bit into it) along with some onions, tomatoes and other things. You would put the kharoof on the samoon (bread) – make something like a sandwich and then layer some of the eggplant soup on top of it. It looks greasy and spicy hot, but it was neither. I am not a big “spicy” eater-of-food –  I like to taste the food – not the ashes of my tongue burning. I do like different flavors – but I don’t like spices to overwhelm the taste. Oh, that I could share this with you….. so “presentation” is always important – how the food looks – so what does the “finished product” look like? (And remember I am in a war zone- so the “fine china” is put away….)

Ahh….the finished product just prior to a “visit with Mr. Wade…”

Oh - perhaps you thought I was finished describing foods, huh?  Then - - you would be mistaken….

On the Yasir (left) is a curry soup – with chicken and noodles in it……ohhhh- baby.  You dip a little samoon in there and – whoa – Abdul’s yer uncle…  On the yameen (right) - the “spaghetti noodles” (without any type of sauce on there) have a little bit of honey or something sweet mixed in.  It is actually a desert – and it is Re-he-hally good.

OHHH---but wait…THERE’S MORE….

They call this “Meat Bread” – kind of like a cross between a personal pan pizza and a chili bowl…

Besides the above, I was brought several “desserts”. The first was a custard with a tiny jello topping – and then there was baklava.  But the baklava here is not as sweet as I have had it in the states (it is still sweet – but just not overwhelmingly so…) But, I love baklava in almost any situation…  the interesting thing is – here in Iraq (according to Haleem) – Baklava is kind of considered “wedding food” (like those almonds in a bag or something)…so when Haleem went to buy it – they asked him if he was getting married. He said, “No. I bring for Mr. Wade. He no want to get married….” Of course the shop owner didn’t know me from Adam (or Abdul or whomever) and had no clue what he was talking about. As I have said before, Haleem is a character.

Now, I mentioned before about Ramadan and how it is not “polite” to eat or drink in front of someone. Do you remember the photo I showed of our little “jingly shop” in the office? (We have everyone bringing us food – so we put it out for all to see/eat/share.) Well, I got some Iraqi blankets and covered the food – lest we “insult” anyone fasting. Again, no one has ever said “hey – don’t drink” or “stop eating – I am fasting here!” – but again, it is just considered “polite” to not tempt anyone. So here is what we did to our “jingly shop” for Ramadan….

The jingly shop at Ramadan time – note the prayer rugs at the bottom right?  And I don’t care what holiday it is….Mr. Wide needs his morning cup of coffee – or he becomes Mr. Wierd…

My “roomie” in the office, Myles (Capt. Esmele) is fasting with the Iraqis (all except the water – which I am happy that he is at least keeping his water intake up) – but I put these blankets up so that we wouldn't tempt Myles or any of our other visitors.

One of the funny things is you forget that not everyone here is Muslim – I am always trying to be polite (of course, I usually just wind up putting my foot in my mouth..) but I always ask them if they are fasting when they come in or I visit – as I don’t want to drink,  yadda, yadda in front of them. Well, I have heard a lot of interesting answers, “No. I am Catholic”, or “No, I am Jewish. Seriously….someone in the Iraqi Navy…(and he is fairly high ranking)…… deadpanned that he was Jewish … “WHAT?!?!”  (again, say that with your voice going up at the end….WHAT?!?!) I would never tell him this – he does look Jewish….but, also I think he was just pulling my leg.

Now, is everything “hunky-dory” because of Ramadan? Heck no. What happens is along about 2 or 3 o’clock, most of the people are exhausted. Even if they ate heartily the night before and slept in, they are still tired. And the longer Ramadan goes on, the more tired they get – and the more they want to sit around and do nothing – or take a nap (kind of sounds like me after Thanksgiving dinner….). So again, we try to accommodate them as much as possible.

Now, lest you think I have been doing nothing but sitting around eating - I have been making a few excursions here and there (that don’t involve eating). I did get another “boat trip” on the river. I took another trip to Khour Al Zabar – (remember the place with the concrete spires?)

“So what exactly happens if the roof falls in?”

As I am going through all the existing buildings and trying to determine how good they are and what it will cost to rebuild them (yep….one of my specialties..…). But it is very gratifying to hear the Iraqis ask me to work on their favorite projects. (They now trust me – as I have found several “bad” situations for them and helped to resolve them….) I was also asked to work on a Maritime Academy that was in Basrah and destroyed. They have asked me several times if I can work on that - apparently it was pretty important – and well known – before it became a “pancake factory” back in ’03. (Wow, if only I was as funny as I think I am….) But anyway, I have asked for some of the old drawings and will look at that soon.

So as I am going on this trip – it is about 120 degrees out – and I am trying to keep myself hydrated….so how do I do that when a lot of the Iraqis are fasting? Well, the easiest way for me was to get my Camel Back. (Not that I wanted to give him away in the first place –bah dump!….see note above about how hysterically funny I am….)Back in the states, I was assigned a camelback water pouch – and it is a very “discreet” way to stay hydrated (and it holds about 2 liters of water – and that is quite a bit)….. but, note in the picture below the hose that goes across the front of my chest:

Here I am – living the old Willie Nelson song…..”on the boat again….”

See that little clip on the end? – you pull it off and suck through the hose and you get (after the first two mouthfuls of hot water which you spit out) – you get cold drinking water. And we were out there for a couple of hours – so there was no way I was going to go without water. I saw the Muslim guards breaking up big chunks of ice and wiping down….it is a very difficult thing they do.

So, dear reader and good friend, this was my week. Full of food, fun, frolicking, frenzy and french fries…(well, okay – no french fries – but it sure made the whole “words starting with ‘F’ thing” work, didn’t it?) Once again, it is my pleasure to be here representing you all. And until we meet again…..

God bless America.

Mr. Wide

مهندس  واد  بروير

Week 19 - My Week In Iraq

Greetings from Umm Qasr! (Umm Qasr – which I believe is Arabic for “all of our thermometers have melted……”)
Well, I hope you have had an exciting week and have lived it up. I am continually amazed that when I write, people “get” what I say (other than Jeanette – she always “gets it" – as she has “put up with it” for about 40 years now…). One of you readers politely noted that my statement of “up front on the bow” was akin to Thoreau and some of his writings (he wrote – MUCH, MUCH more eloquently by the way - about not wanting to “stay below” on the sail ship – he wanted to be up with the mast and see the ocean and be a part of the world)…. and maybe he didn’t say, “Yeah, baby” – but he had the right idea. Life is to be lived and there is so much to see and do before I go “home” – I don’t want to miss a thing…. Yeah, baby.

“Life” as seen from the bow….

Okay, a couple of fun things this week. Ramadan has officially started – 1 Aug - and so most of the Muslims I know are fasting during the day. Now, I told you there are interpreters, Iraqi Navy, and local engineers that I interact with every day – and (for me) it is very interesting to hear up close and personal about Ramadan. My first question to them…. did you have a “Fat Tuesday?” They had no clue what I was talking about.

I tried to explain (probably poorly – as I really don’t know all of the Catholic traditions) how before Lent – there is this tradition of having a big party – and then you would “give up” some things for Lent. (40 days – until Easter) The reason for Lent is so that you can be closer to God when you crave those things – you rely on God to help you through the craving. (Okay, all of my Catholic friends, you can stop laughing now – I don’t pretend to know exactly the rules or reasons for this – but I have promised to write what “I see” in this journal – and what I have seen over my lifetime are my good friends trying very sincerely to “do something for their relationship with God.”)
My point is – this is very similar to what Ramadan is (and I will be the first to admit – I always see on TV the nut-jobs flogging themselves – or whackos telling people to go kill infidels) But again – what I SEE IN PERSON – are people wanting to honestly get closer to God. One of my Muslim friends told me that during Ramadan, they want to be “more like the angels” during this month – so the angels don’t eat or drink – so that is one reason they don’t eat or drink during the day.
Ahhh….. but the other part….. once dusk happens….. during Ramadan – the FOOD COMES OUT!!! Amjad, (my senior engineer) said, ”Oh, Mr. Wade….. the food – so much - so good. I wish I could take you to my house…. so much food – every night.” Fakhri (the other engineer) told me, “The food – it is so beautiful - makes it even taste better…. and it make you strong!” The REALLY cool thing is that Amjad and Fakhri are planning to stay overnight a couple of nights (it is easier for them) – so they are bringing some food in – and they have invited me to “break - fast” with them. And of course, you all are so lucky – as you get to see PHOTOS of me eating it!! 
I am still learning about all of this – but towards the end of Ramadan there are a couple of holy days and a wild crazy party (okay, now remember, these guys really don’t drink a ton or do drugs and they are pretty modest with women – so “wild and crazy” is probably not the same here as it is there) but, bottom line is – as I experience it or hear stories about it, I will pass them along. To me, this is interesting – to see how “real” Muslims celebrate and I hope you look forward to hearing the stories.
Okay, next thing – we had the “Deputy Commanding General” come down to our little diamond in the desert and get a tour. They showed him the ships, the boats, the training stations, the camp projects….and  - so you may ask yourself…..what interesting /most important thing did they give “good ol’ Mr. Wade” to show him?

Who lit one (literally)??

The broken down, burnt-up, dilapidated Iraqi Navy Waste Water Treatment Plant. Yep, I get to tour the 2 Star and show him the stinkiest, foulest-looking spot in this half of Iraq. (Yeah, I know….who did I tick off, right?). 

Here is the thing (and I know a month or two ago I said I wouldn’t talk “sewer” anymore…) but what happened is this – I went over to look at the WWTP (Waste Water Treatment Plant – this is where you take raw sewage, add chemicals and clean up the water and remove the “solids”) and I saw that the WWTP was being run into the ground, was designed improperly, and wasn’t functioning. It was pumping raw sewage into an area that wasn’t designed for it. So I immediately sent up a flag to everyone above me that this was a serious problem. My “personal” chain of command agreed – but the other “bureaucrats” that I deal with were more worried about money (it wasn’t that expensive) and legal issues (since the Iraqis own the WWTP). This got me “screwed into the ceiling” (BTW, that is a term that all of the Iraqi Navy now know – “Mr. Wide got ‘screwed into the ceiling’ today, because….) – but any rate, I got upset that the “cogs” in the system were now “clogs” in the system…(Hey, I just thought of that…can I copyright that??? – but, again, I digress…)
So, what happens? About a month ago, the plant caught fire and is now a big ashtray.  And now, everyone is scrambling to figure out what to do…. except for good ol’ Mr. Wide (and his two local engineers). We had already started a design – because we knew it was just a matter of time before the thing went “belly up.” Of course, nobody will acknowledge that (but that is okay….sometimes it is more important to KNOW you are right – than it is to have everyone admit that you were right….). Again, please don’t take this as bragging or being smug. I have done this before and I am good at it. But you don’t hire a dance teacher and then tell her how to do the jitterbug. (Well, you can, but you’ve wasted your money and the teacher knows – you might call it the jitterbug, but really you are wasting energy and making yourself look foolish….)
Okay, so with that background, I am touring the general – we get out of the car (and this place smells terrible) and I start talking to him – and he seems pretty interested. I really can’t explain it without showing him inside – so I ask him if he wants to go in and see it “up close and personal.”
You should have seen the look on the staffs’ faces…. you would have thought I just called his momma “Osama”….. sheesh – but there is a reason this guy got as far as he did….their jaws dropped even further when he said, ”You bet!”
So we go in and I show him how the plant works – and what wasn’t being operated correctly – and show him exactly what the problems were. HE.  LOVED.  IT! He was asking good (smart) questions and even made some semi-decent comments. After we left, the one-star that was with him said to me, “That was really good…. you know your sewer.” (It was a nice compliment and I took it that way…) But in the back of my head, I am thinking, “Great….first it's 'Mr. Wide' and now it's 'I know my sewer'. Well, I guess we all get known for something…”
BTW, I have a Brazilian photos of the plant…. (Oh…sorry, I should explain that term. This is from a joke about the Iranian terrorist who was arrested – as he heard there were 6 Brazilian diplomats in country – and right before he got “sent to the gallows” – he wanted to know…..just exactly how many is “a Brazilian?”) Sorry – Iraqi humor – so that is our “camp term” when we want to say “a lot” – I would like a Brazilian dollars. So, I have a BUNCH of photos of the WWTP – but I will just show you one – that was taken the day after the fire. I sent this off to some of the geniuses I have been arguing with – with the exact same caption:

Huh…..who’d have thought that this would have happened?

Now for those of you who got on Facebook and saw my “teaser” – this is what happens when sewage sits for a long time and eventually gets so stagnant that all oxygen starts leaving….the longer it sits, the darker pink it gets.  You do not want to accidentally drop your keys in there.  This took a long time to “brew” – so you see why I have been working so hard to try and get this fixed.  It is now going to finally happen. (Yes, it is that disgusting…)

Alrighty then, on to the next subject – well, remember I told you about the little “Umm Qasr Knot” area that I am developing? Well, I am slowly getting that developed (it is one of my “other duties as assigned” or in my case “volunteered” to do). But, I have told you I am trying to “hire” a lot of the locals – and I am trying to get a “coffee shop” run by them. So I had a meeting with a couple of the local guys and told them what I wanted. Now the area is mostly sand and empty right now (it is getting better – but it is definitely not done) – but I was talking with the local about fixing up the area (as part of his “rent”) – and then he asked if he could bring in hashish.

…..

“WHAT!??!” (my exact quote..)

…..

Well, guess what that started…. (if you are an avid reader, I think you will know….) I started one of my “Mr. Wide Lectures” on how we are on American soil – and how we need to obey American Laws and how drugs will kill our relationships with the Iraqis and how there are ….. on and on…. and then I notice the interpreter (in this case it was Mohandis Amjad (engineer Amjad)) starting to laugh hysterically. He wasn’t translating – but all of the Iraqis were looking at me as I was in the middle of my “lecture.”
Amjad says, -

“Mr. Wade….”

“Yes?”

“Mr. Wade. In Iraq….. hashish means grass…”

“Kind of does in America, too…”

“No. It means like grass you cut…. like lawn…”

And in my best “Emily Litella” impression (Saturday Night Live), I say, “Oohhh…that’s different. Never mind.”
And my last story this week.  I have told you before about my friend, Haleem. He is the one with the wife, two boys and the little girl who celebrated her birthday with the special cake (and she just got out of the hospital from being sick). Well, any rate, Haleem got an email from the US Embassy the other day. And he came to see me first (he was stuck on camp until later that day) – but… (and I don’t know the whole process) – but, he was okayed by the embassy – and he will now get to work a special program and it looks like he and his family will be going to the US in a few months.
Ohhh…. my friends……. How I wish I could share that joy with you. This young man (about 25) is going to do great in America. My only sadness is that Iraq needs men like him here as well – but the future for him and his young family is now going to be forever changed. He was so excited – he was telling me how his kids can go to good schools now – how his wife doesn’t have to wear those scarves and he would get a job – any job and work hard and things were going to be wonderful now. And what made me feel good – he wants Jeanette and I to visit him – so he can introduce me to his wife (she was the one who was feeling bad until I spoke to her on the phone in Arabic)…and they can cook samoon and kabab and other food for me. His heart was bursting with joy at the thought of going to America. I know exactly how he feels….mine was too.
We all have had days like that – where we receive great news and our heart is so full of joy – we need to share with someone - or we think the joy will make our bodies burst – that was how Haleem was that day. And I was so proud and happy that he chose to spend those first happy moments with me. I asked if he had shared the news with his family yet (he had not) – so I got to hear him share the news with his mother. I did not understand exactly what she said (I could only hear her voice tones as she talked with Haleem) – but I can tell you this – she was so proud of her boy and so excited for his future. I could hear her voice raise – and the “tremble” in her voice as she held back tears as she was talking.
Just so you know, Haleem is the “oldest” boy – and he quit school to support his family – which includes his mom, dad, younger brothers, and younger sister. He gives them money and stuff all the time. His younger brothers got to graduate high school and they are hoping to go to college – because Haleem quit school and went to work – so they didn’t have to. Haleem’s family knows that life will be a little harder for them now that he will be going to his new home – but they are all so proud of him for working hard and learning English and working with the Americans. Haleem also said he is going to work hard and become an American Citizen – he and his whole family. Like many of us, he will join that great melting pot of Americans – he won’t forget his Iraqi roots or traditions – better yet, he will start new traditions in his new country. I hope that sends chills down your spine as it does mine.

My good buddy and soon to be American – Haleem.

So, my dear reader, I would like to end this week’s update on that happy note. If you happen to know someone who has immigrated to this country, I wish you would take a few minutes and ask them their story. Many, many folks have worked so hard to come to America. Some have had to leave a lot of their family behind (again, I can relate in a very small way to them) – but I am lucky – I will soon be reunited with my family. Many of these new citizens in America will not. But I bet if you ask them, their families back home are proud of them – and want them to prosper, be happy, and live in freedom in their new country. My country. Our country.

God Bless America

Wade “Mr. Wide”

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