Week 6 - My Week in Iraq

Good Morning! Greetings from Umm Qasr (Umm Qasr - which I think is arabic for "it's so hot here, the sand sweats...") 

Okay, so as promised - no sewer stories this weekend (is that the same as "keeping your mind out of the gutter??" not sure...)  Anyway..... remember I told you about my "haji-phone?" I got this local phone - on the advice of an officer in Baghdad - and it has come in real handy when talking to the local guys, but as I said, I SUCK at arabic, or Iraqi, or whatever you call it. 

So.... when a 'local' calls me - I would say to them.... "The interpreter will call you back in five minutes." - which is usually followed by silence or a "Huh?" on the other end....

Then, of course, I raise my voice and say "FIVE MINUTES.....I WILL CALL YOU BACK." 

But, the guy is arabic, not deaf, so that does absolutely no good.

So then - I do something MUCH smarter - I speak louder AND I go slower....."CALL.... YOU..... BACK..... FIVE...... MIN.... UTES".

After several times of me doing this with no visible change in the end result, the interpreter (again, a bright, young kid) tries to write out in phonetic english for me the phrase I was saying, (I will call you back in five minutes).... okay... here is what it looks like....

"HAMS DKAIK WAAKRBKLRLK" 

(okay now.... everybody say it together!!) And I am TOTALLY serious - that is exactly how he wrote it.

Thanks, buddy. That helped a lot. If I didn't know better, I would think that they are "punking" me with some really stupid saying like "I am an idiot - blrlblrlbrk!" I can actually say the first two words pretty easy - but every time I say the last word, the people on the phone (and those standing around me) start laughing hysterically. One guy (I think he was teasing me) said, "You just told them you would call them back with 5 goats" ....(pause while I think about it...) Actually, that works - at least then I know they will be anticipating my call.

Alright then, if you saw my facebook post - you got the "teaser" about me and the sheik outfit. Actually, I am very proud of that outfit. Parts of it were given to me by a local sheik (think village elder) and the rest of it, I bought. BTW, we are allowed to accept minor "gifts" from locals (no "quid pro quo") so this is perfectly legal (and, not that it matters, but I did "exchange" gifts with him).

Anyway, this is me in the "sheik" outfit. My 'Terp said we could pretty much go walking down the street in downtown Baghdad in this and no one would bother me. Of course, my problem is that the guards on camp are so jumpy, I was afraid to walk out of the small area just outside my office - because I didn't want to be "mistaken" for a local and have them go all 'Rodney King' on me and throw me outside (did I mention things are a little tense in the last week or so??).

By the way, before I forget, I wanted to tell you - our guards are from Africa - mostly Kenyan or Ugandan. And they are the most polite people - who will break your foot and shoot you if you look at them wrong - but they are so polite and even-keeled about it.... it is hard to get upset with them. "Hello, Sir. Good morning, Sir. How are you? If you move one more step I will shoot you in the head. Thank you and have a nice day." Their diction is perfect too. I mean, come on, let's face it - if someone is going to threaten you, don't you want them to be polite about it? I am slightly teasing about the shooting part - they do carry guns and they don't mess around - but they are very polite and respectful. And understand that they are ALWAYS watching out for me. Like when I have locals come in, I get busy working with the locals and forget where I am - but the guys will come up and check on me every so often - so even though I kid about them, they are a huge part of the team. 

To give you an idea - see this photo? Look to the left - there is a Kenyan watching over as we unload pipe. He would pop out every so often and just check to see that I am okay. What's not to love about that?

Okay, so, back to the sheik outfit, one of the USMC guys looked at my photo and said I look more like a jedi knight than a sheik - everybody's a critic.... One of the most important parts of the outfit is the little round black thing on my head. It is a very sacred piece of the sheik's outfit. Think of it like a flag - it is not allowed to touch the ground - and if it does - they throw it away (similar to how we "decommission the flag" if it touches the ground)..... but, it is very important to the sheiks - so I try and be very respectful of this piece of their garb. Especially since this was a gift.

You can't see it, but there is a little white hat (believe it or not, there is a summer and a winter hat) that I wear under the scarf on my head. I will also tell you something funny - it was warm out when I put this on - but I was not "hot" (meaning temperature-wise, not looks-wise. Some things are just inevitable...) but I was not warm in the outfit until I put on that brown see-through robe over the top. I was actually quite comfortable in just the shirt (and there are "jammies" that you wear under the robe) but it got downright warm once I put that frilly little robe thing on. That surprised me.

Do you remember me sending this photo of the "mideast" style toilet Now do you see why they have "squatter" toilets? (I can hear most of you saying "TMI!  TMI!) - but the garb explains why they want these type of toilets vs. the western style toilets. (A funny story about the toilets - when I was in Afghan-istan, the designers thought they were smarter than the Afghans were - so they put a bunch of western-style toilets in the Afghan National Army base... and the designers thought they would "force" the Afghans to sit on those toilets. Of course, the designers left and I was in charge of getting the bathrooms constructed. After we got the toilets up and running, we discovered that the Afghans still squatted, they would just stand on the little plastic lid and do their business from on high - which, by the way, caused an even bigger mess....so eventually, we put mideastern-style toilets back in).

Okay - back to the outfit.... Just so you know, now that I am an "official" sheik - I am allowed to have four wives (by contract). The sheik that I exchanged gifts with has two wives..... I told him how much wiser he was than me - as I can't match wits with one wife - I couldn't fathom having two! I am not sure, but since we exchanged gifts and the sheik was a fast talker, I don't think Jeanette can come over here - as I may have accidentally traded her.....

Okay on to the "big news" for the week....

Usama bin laden - 1957-2011

Some have asked me if I am "happy" UBL is dead or did we "celebrate" over here. This may surprise you - but I have seen enough of misery and people suffering in my two deployments that I try not to celebrate death - I try to celebrate life. Death is all around.... you have to look for signs of life. My feeling is there are too many people - both in Iraq and in Afghanistan - suffering and hurting - to waste time and energy on this creep. We have serious work to do - he is out of the way. There are other creeps out there who want us just as dead. But, I cannot do anything about those creeps.....

So I "choose" to continue to do what I can to help these folks. Which is.....

1. Try and help the Iraqi Navy become an independent military force. As I was driving around the camp with the British Base Commander, he was telling a visiting dignitary about the Iraqis in general. I am paraphrasing - but here is basically what he said..... "If anyone thinks that you can change the culture of the Iraqis in 5 or 6 years, you are not being honest with yourself. The Iraqis have had many decades (including before Sadaam) of bad training, bad decisions and total lack of acceptance of failure - so consequently - any officer over 30 years old is probably too far gone. We have a bunch of really good young officers, who we can work with. Once these officers take over and get in charge of things - in about 20 years or so - then, we will see some real movement on a smooth working military." 

(for the heck of it - because we all like photos - I threw in this photo of some of the Defender class boats in the Iraqi Navy. These are the boats normally piloted by these "young officers".) But understand that the Captain has it correct. I know we all like "quick fixes" - but some things require time and patience. I generally agree with his thoughts - as I have seen some of the older officers absolutely "shut down" mentally when it comes time to make a decision. However, I am also an "older" guy - and I thrive on changes and new directions - so as with any "generalized" statement, there are exceptions to the rule.

2. Another thing I can continue to do is to try to help the local Iraqis - I have been really encouraged the last several weeks with the quality of work I have been getting out of the local companies. So have the people around camp who have been absolutely astounded by how hard the locals work. I have been so happy, I have given the locals more work and more responsibilities. This helps them with jobs, training, responsibility and restores local pride. I make sure to tell them that I am proud of them for working hard for me - I also tell them that when they work hard for me, they are also working hard for themselves and for their country. And when Americans see them busting their hump to get work done - that word will eventually spread. I have already had other people come up to me and ask me to get some of these locals to do work for them. It is a small thing - but (call me an optimist or a dreamer - and I will happily accept that term) but small things add up. Baby steps.... one step at a time... and what's more - I believe it - because I have seen it work.

3. And I need to continue to try and share with others what I see. Again, you can disagree with me politically, religously, whatever - but I tell you what I see. Do I have my own perspective? Sure I do. I love to see people work hard, play hard and have fun - and when I see that, I talk about it. And I will tell you this - as I believe it with ALL of my heart - when I see what some of these people have gone through - the horrible years with Sadaam (and they tell stories...) and then the war - and the continuing battles and bombings.....

Then I go out and see young kids playing over here in this messy, war-torn place.... and I see young men and women laughing and smiling and working hard to raise families in the midst of all of this rubble - I am amazed at how well they are adjusting. But you know what they tell me? (more than once).... THANK YOU.... with all of the things they have gone through - they thank me (us) for setting them free and allowing them to live in a democracy. I remind them they have a long way to go - but (like most of those "young officers") they would rather be given a chance - and potentially fail - than to never be given a chance at all. What a great attitude. I am blessed to know and work with some great Iraqis...... and some great Americans.

Once again, I have used up my allotted time - but I so enjoy sharing my adventures with you all. I am very busy, but the few minutes I can take to draft this up really helps me "cope." It is kind of my version of Charlie Brown talking to Lucy when the "Doctor is IN" and it costs 5 cents... Again, I can't thank all of those people enough who emailed, wrote, or sent me stuff. And even though I am having a great adventure, I really do miss home and everything about my great country.

God Bless America

Wade "Mr. Wide" Brower

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