Greetings from Umm Qasr (Umm Qasr, which I believe is arabic for "it's so hot here, they could drop a nuclear bomb and we may mistake the blast for a ‘cool breeze’...") Anyrate, if you haven't guessed, it has been warm here, recently, if your version of ‘recently’ is the last 8,000 years or so. But again, I digress. We have consistently been hitting the 110’s. It is so hot here that we now have turned off our hot water heaters - as the sun takes care of that. My shower this a.m. is not quite as hot as usual, but it is still pretty warm - and of course, we only do Navy showers here (I still do my ‘dribble’ shower).
This week, I had a major step up in quality of life - I got a fridge for my hootch and I trading in the bunk beds for a single - I got a TV (I am also eventually going to get access to Armed Forces Network in my hootch) - so now, when you think of me, you can think of my conditions as if I went to the cruddiest hotel in Death Valley, California. And I can't leave.... (there is a joke in there somewhere about my honeymoon - but I am NOT going to go there!) I hope you have had a good week. BTW, judging from all of the comments, there is a really unhealthy interest in my superhero pajamas.... I may have to see about getting a (tasteful) photo of them in the near future. And for all who said something like, "YOU! In superhero pjs? I'd pay -$1, $5, $100, other amount - to see THAT!" - I will hold you to it. When I send out the photo, I expect you to take any reasonable amount (I think someone said "a million") and give to your favorite charity in honor of my PJ’s. So that will be something I can look forward to (again, I am ALWAYS looking for diversions -as are most people on the camp.)
Alrighty then.... so, how about my week? Well, let's start off with a concern that the HoN (head of navy - in case you don't remember) asked me about. There was this huge area that was ‘in-filled’ with sand and dirt. Well, a part of it started settling and the HoN said that some of his sailors noticed there was standing water in this area - when there shouldn't be. He asked me if I could look into it. (BTW, he has asked me about investigating several different things - and I consider it a huge honor that he asks.... he may not pay attention to what I tell him - but hey, at least he asks.)
So, I told him that this could be a big problem - or it could be nothing – but, we will monitor the area and next time there is standing water there, I will go dig and investigate. Well, we monitor... and monitor... and mon... you get the idea - NOTHING. No standing water in that area. Well, the "rainy season" hit (and in case you were wondering, the ‘rainy season’ is between 1:30 and 4:15 on the 7th of May.) - and it poured for its allotted time. I drove out there and STILL no standing water. Sheesh.... well, it is getting on to 3 weeks since the guy asked me - and I don't want to make him think that I just blew it off.... so I look at the tide charts and there is a REALLY high tide on one particular day. I tell my boss that I am going to go dig on that day - if there is any problems - we should see water then. Alright - so you ask - what is the big deal? Standing water.....well, here is the thing... Without getting too involved (and if you are a geotechnical engineer, write me later and we can discuss this all you want) - but for this discussion - what I was worried about was water coming into the infill and creating a huge sinkhole. In case you haven't been to southern California - a sinkhole basically happens when dirt under an area gets swept away by water or other forces - leaving a huge void. You can walk on, drive on, heck - even build on top of a sink hole and then,
it will unexpectedly collapse - and swallow houses, and trees and
streets, etc. Okay, so I am dealing with an area that has recently been infilled. So, if a sinkhole is developing, it will only drop about 20 feet or so (at the worst)...so how do you find this sinkhole? You dig.
Ahh, I can see you are bright people - so you are saying to yourself,
"Mr.Wide, how will you dig? It sounds like it is too big of an area to dig by hand." And you would be correct. Here in UQ, we do what we can with what we have. (Think of us as a bunch of really cheap boy scouts - in the desert...)
So we go get the only ‘machinery’ we have -which is about a 20-ton excavator (see photo). So here is the problem..... I have to ask one of the military guys (who is certified to operate the excavator) if he will go dig to help me find a potential 20' sinkhole...a ‘snippet’ of our conversation follows:
Military Guy: "So....if I ‘find a sinkhole’ what happens?"
Mr. Wide: "Well, you will see the sides start to collapse and if you are still in the excavator, chances are it will drop inside the hole..."
MG: "Twenty feet?"
MW: "Nahhh....12 to 15 tops..."
MG: "How do I get out of this 20-ton excavator?"
MW: "As quickly as possible"
Okay, now to be fair, I was pretty certain (after looking at the area -there were no other tell tale signs of potential problems) that we were going to be fine - and that the odds were in our favor there was no sinkhole. But I wanted him to be aware - just in case it started going and we had to bail.
Additionally, I was his ‘spotter’. I was right there with him as he was
digging. I had two jobs - to make sure he was digging in the right spots (and to proper depth) and to look and see if the ground started to give way.
Here is how that conversation went:
MW: "Okay - if it starts to go, I will say something."
MG: "Like a code word?"
MW: "We can do a code word if you want. Do you have something in mind?"
MG: "How about ‘GIVING WAY!’?”
MW: "Won't work. I will be running away like Jamie Lee Curtis in a ‘Halloween’ sequel. All you will here is ‘GIIIIIV...’ and then see my backside. And of course, the Iraqi Navy guys will hear that sound like a train going by - as it drops from a high pitch to a low pitch - as I run by them screaming ‘WAAAAaaaaaaayyyy!’”
MG: "Okay, how about ‘RUN!’?”
MW: "That works for me."
MG: "What will you say after that?"
MW: "I don't know - you will be alone if you are still around after that. You will find me on the other side of the base after I stop running. Ask me then."
So we get out there in the middle of this field - I had asked for 3 Personal Service guys (Army guys) to stand watch - because, sure enough, we start digging and here comes half of the Iraqi Navy to ‘watch’ and (JUST LIKE IN THE STATES) - they all want to crowd around and tell us ‘how to do it’ - so I had the Army guys keep the crowd back. So.... happy ending ...we dug down and no sinkhole. There were some compaction problems that the contractor will need to work on, but overall, it was in pretty good shape. But what a great diversion....
Okay, so you are probably asking yourself - what does the ranking military and the senior civilian at Umm Qasr do most of the day?
Obviously hard work, establishing a professional environment and setting the proper example for the troops. Please see photo. Yep, that is us. Navy Capt Myles Esmele and myself hard at work....in a war zone....leading the troops. Inspiring isn't it?
Alright, I have been trying to find a photo of this building BL (before liberation). (I could find it on google but unless you were looking for it - it would be hard to explain where it is). But, I am working on an area where there is a LOT of damage/building rubble. And I had my photo taken in front of this LOOONG pile of rubble. (Photo below). I had no idea what it was - other than just a bunch of battle damage.
Well, I got back to the office and I was fooling around on google maps, trying to mark out areas I was looking at, and found that this long pile of rubble was a HUGE mansion/palace (if you are curious, write me back and I will forward you the link - you can see a "fuzzy foto" - but it was definitely a big old building). I am not positive, but the ‘rumor mill’ here with the interpreters was that this was the Sadaam Iraqi Navy Headquarters Building. But of course, after we liberated Iraq, it was a house of pancakes. (Yeah, I know...I crack me up too.)
And finally, once again, I thought I was going to have no other good stories for you - and then out of the blue, I get a trip to go out to one of the oil platforms (where all of the Iraqi money is made) - so we start off in a boat for a 3-hour tour (a 3-hour tour) - - the weather did not start getting rough - but we did lose a screw.... and that is not a reference to my mental state (the screw is only loose - not lost...)
So we had to turn around halfway - but it gave me a great opportunity to talk with some of the Iraqi Navy crew and to take a photo or two as well. If you look at this photo, you will see what I would NOT be doing if we were attacked by Iranian Fast Attack Craft. This was strictly a photo op - and (in case you were wondering) if we were attacked, I would have been inside with my head ducked down and letting the professionals handle it.
This last photo is me having lunch with the Iraqis (talk about letting your professionals handle something....at last - what I have been training for all these years - to show these guys how to EAT!)
Actually, it was a good time - I got to talk with several of the "young" Iraqi officers and hear their different stories. They were trying to get me to say Iraqi words (which you all know I suck at) and then they would laugh. After I told them I would call them back in 5 minutes (Hamss Dkaik Warkarblkrk)... boy, did that confuse them... any rate, one of them told me his brother lives in Boston.....
Heh-heh.... Boston, where?
machew.... moochoowitz.... mamuchoos....
Mass a CHU sits.... then we laughed pretty good. Okay, since I mentioned "CHU"... one more CHU joke from last week - it's a good one....okay...maybe ‘good’ is the wrong word.... it is not as terrible as it could be.
What do you call the CHU where the women live...?
A moustache....( a few man CHU....)
I told you I crack me up....
Anyrate, there are some very good young officers that I talked with on the trip out there and back. We did talk a little politics and a little about life before/after Sadaam. So it was an enjoyable time - even though we may have disagreed on a few things. We did agree that Americans are rich - even the ones who many of us would consider "poor" the Iraqis would consider well off. (Do you have running water? Do you have electricity more than 50% of the time? Do you have access to a car (not own a car...but have ACCESS to one?) The Iraqi average ‘wage’ is something like $21 a month. We also agreed that Iraqis want to be free and they are happy we liberated them. Like I said, this was just Wade chatting with some officers and it helped to pass the time. I also have a couple photos of some wrecked boats - I will add those to Face Book for my "Friday Teaser".
Well once again, with that - my time is at end (and of course, after that last joke, many of you may not ever read again.) And, many thanks to my Sunday School class. We "skyped" last week for about 10 minutes and it was great seeing all of those smiling faces. And thanks to all of you who wrote, or emailed.
I am staying safe. I am having fun. I am working hard. I am missing home and I am an American.
God Bless America
Wade "Mr. Wide"
مهندس واد بروير
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