Week 15 - My Week In Iraq

Zien Jomaa!  (Good Friday)

Greetings from Umm Qasr (Umm Qasr, which I believe is Arabic for “where the sun goes when he wants to get a tan….”)
I hope you are well. And, in case you are wondering – I think I am now in the process of eating my way through Iraq. I was losing lots of weight when I only ate at the DFAC – but now, most of the Iraqis are learning that I love the local food – and remember – the custom in Iraq is to make your guest feel as comfortable as possible. So comfortable to them means I can feel my pants getting tighter every time I sit down.
This past week was very gratifying for me. I had done some work – and found some “parts” for the local city of Umm Qasr and a spare “motor” for the Iraqi Navy base. I didn’t think too much about it – but the Iraqis wanted to throw me a lunch ( guess who said “YEe-Ah-yuH!). 

And this was just for me…..and it was…that good.

So we went over to the Iraqi Navy Headquarters building and met the Base Commander (Commodore Adell) and - I got to sit in the place of honor (in a padded seat directly across from the Commodore). Well, you can see what I sat down to. I am not kidding – all of this, they expected me to eat! Now, let me tell you – I have never had (and trust me, this is after being married for 37 years to one of the world’s greatest cooks) – I have NEVER had rice like this – pine nuts – some other things – but it had raisins….. and at first, I was like….what? (Say that with your voice going up at the end in an almost whiney tone ….whaaaaaat?) – but then I ladled some of the eggplant soup – the red soup on the left in the above picture – and it was – like the commercial says – a party in my mouth and everyone was invited. Oh, the flavors just mixed together and created this heavenly – sweet/sour combination – and then you tear off a small chunk of the samoon (the bread at the top of the plate –which was warm and soft and fluffy) and then take a small chunk of the most juicy, tender baked chicken ----oh my….

Well, put it this way – I have had better times – but.. but.. um (NOTE – Pastors, mother, granddaughter “clause” invoked here….) - but let’s just say it was re-heally good.

The interpreter, Commodore Adell, and the boring guy….

So after the meal, I am sitting with the Commodore, the interpreter (who wasn’t really needed, since the Commodore speaks pretty good English,) Captain Sami (another Iraqi Navy Captain I have been working with,) and my boss and office mate, Capt. Esmele – and we are laughing and joking and having a good old time . Suddenly, the Commodore’s cell phone rings and the Commodore picks it up…..

Okay - that is one thing that I am really having a hard time getting used to. In the states, (especially in a military environment) what is one of the first things you do when you get into a big meeting? You turn off your phone. However, in Iraq the phone is celebrated. In almost every meeting I attend with them, someone’s phone goes off – and in the back of my mind, I think, “Uh-oh – someone’s going to get a ‘butt-chewing’ “ – but the guy picks it up and starts talking –  and nobody pays attention.  I have seen the guys in the middle of a briefing just pick up their phones. This is another one of those “cultural things” (that and the capability to have 4 wives….) that I will just never get used to.
So the Commodore picks up his phone and starts yammering – about two minutes later he finishes and says, “Sorry, that was my commander” (I shook my head – his “boss” is the HoN) and he says as if reading my mind, “Not the HoN…..my wife!” Amen, brother, Amen. And that is another thing I really have in common with the Iraqis - they LOVE to laugh. I have been in several meetings with the Generals, the HoN , the senior leaders – and I come out of the meeting with a sore jaw – as I have been laughing so hard. From now on, I am not going to “blame” my strange behaviors on my weird sense of humor….I am just part Iraqi!!
The Commodore and I were talking and as we are talking about various things he says to me, “Do you come from Mosul?”   

“Huh?”

“Do you come from Mosul? That means you are CHEAP!”

“You mean – don’t like to spend money? You bet I’m cheap. Me? I’m from Mosul - - my wife?  She NO from Mosul (again uproarious laughter amongst this “all-male” group.)

Well shortly after that, Captain Sami asks me to stand up and they give me this nice little award – for taking extra time to help the Iraqi Navy base. I was very flattered that they would recognize me – but as I said, the Iraqis are very generous and I am honored to be here to help them.

Wade winning the

“Who’s Most In Trouble With Their Wife

For This Week’s Update” award

Wade and his “best-eatin’ buddy” Capt Myles Esmele

But it was a wonderful time and something I hope I never forget - - laughing and eating and talking (finally, three things I am REALLY good at!!) with the Iraqis and just kind of setting aside the fact that we are in the middle of a war zone. It was good to have this time.

And finally, dear reader, if you would allow me….

…my wonderful “youngest older brother” passed away last week at his home in Idaho. He was a wonderful brother, father, husband, son, etc. We looked a lot alike and if you don’t mind, I would like to tell you one of my favorite stories about Ray “Grub” Brower. And remember, this is probably not exactly the way it happened – but it is the way that I remember it…. the story is true – although some of the details were noted by my 12-year old (at the time – not now – although some would argue) brain.

We lived in the small town of Girard, Kansas (pop 2,500) in 1968. Ray was a junior in high school and of course, this was a very small town – with an even smaller high school. Although it was the late 60’s, Girard was still “stuck in the 50’s”. I am not sure why this particular “contest” started, but I think it was suggested by the Girard High School Girls’ Pep Club. I think they were looking for some different way to do a “popularity contest.” So what happened was - the Pep Club decided instead of just voting for “most popular” – they should “do it up big” and have the most popular boy crowned “Mr. Irresistible” (as I said, this was the 60’s) – and of course, “Mr. Irresistible” should not just be voted on – he should have to “earn it.”  So they came up with a way to determine who they would “crown” Mr. Irresistible” – and it went something like this:
All of the “girls” would be given one “Hush Button” (basically a small piece of paper that said “HUSH” and was pinned to their blouses). If a boy tried to talk to the girl outside of class, she would simply point to her Hush Button, turn up her nose, and go on her merry way.  IF she talked to the boy, she would have to give up her Hush Button (and again, each girl only received one Hush Button). And at the end of the week – whichever boy had the most Hush Buttons would be crowned Mr. Irresistible and have his photo taken for the yearbook – with the head cheerleader kissing him on the cheek. So basically, if you were a guy, you would try and get the girls to talk to you. If you were a girl – you would only want to give your button to a guy you wanted to talk to….. and in terms of late 60’s high school drama – this was very important stuff.

Now, I am pretty sure that when the Pep Squad thought this up, they figured they would be crowning the big, tall, handsome basketball star or the muscular, chiseled-jaw football star. The head cheerleader was probably giggling with delight at the thought of them being forever captured in a photo - kissing one of the school jocks…. but, before I get to what happened – here is a little about my brother Ray.

Ray was known as “Grub” – yes, you may think it was not a particularly endearing name – but I would disagree. I really don’t know where the knick-name originated, but Grub was pretty popular (for this small town in Kansas) and because of his wit and creativity – he had a lot of friends (who also liked to go out drinking and carousing - even though they were barely tall enough to see over the counter – but back in those days, the drinking age was “can your money reach the bar?”)

Now, Grub was not particularly tall, he had weight issues and well – he really wasn’t considered, …. let’s just say he didn’t cut your traditional handsome figure. (And again, I am comfortable saying these things as many people have told me that I look VERY similar to Grub…and my mom thinks we are cute - so don’t think I am insulting him). But Grub had something that the others lacked – he had wit, creativity and a sense of humor….and don’t forget – a dashing younger brother – who adored all of his older brothers….and sister – but I digress.

So, the Mr. Irresistible Contest started on Monday. And of course, the first person Grub encounters is our sister, Gail. She is a freshman – but too “cool” to associate herself with Grub. So Grub immediately starts haranguing Gail and her friends. Consequently, she loses her cool and yells at him…. Hush Button #1. Gail gets mad and storms off – Grub says something to her as she is leaving and her friends try and stick up for her…. Hush Buttons #2 and 3. 

Grub then goes up to the most popular girl in school and says – “Thank you so much for giving me your Hush Button. I can’t believe out of all of the guys here – you chose me! You are so nice – and yes, I will go to the Prom with you…”

She looks at him as if he had grown a third eye, ”I wouldn’t go to the prom with you if….” And then Grub holds out his hand to her….. Hush Button #4….. and on and on it went. Almost every day, Grub would come home and tell us how he tricked someone else out of their Hush Button.  We would laugh hysterically (even Gail – after she got over the initial “pain” of having her Hush Button taken by her brother…).  Grub even started using reverse psychology. He went up to one young girl and said, “I was trying to trick all of the other girls – but I won’t bother you… okay?”

“Thank you Grub. I was worr….. ” and then she caught on that she had been had. She pulled off her Hush Button, slapped it in his hand and stormed off. Well, at the end of the week – it was pretty apparent that Grub was going to be the winner – the question was by how much. And of course, he was having a ball with the whole thing – and all of the girls were REALLY irritated at him. He was in his element. For him, this was like shooting fish in a barrel. All of the girls, who were originally trying to hold out giving their Hush Buttons, were quickly going to their boyfriends or male friends and giving them out. They were that worried that Grub would set his sights on them and quickly take their Hush Buttons too.

So the next week, an assembly was held where the principal would announce the winner of the contest. I was finally out of grade school and in the 7^th grade – so I got to attend the assembly with all of the high-schoolers – how cool was I?

Here we were, all gathered for the “Crowning of Mr. Irresistible” and they started announcing the count of who had the most Hush Buttons….

3^rd Place - Mr. Big Football muscular Jock Star – 3 Hush Buttons (pleasant applause)

2^nd Place - Mr. Tall Basketball Class president – 4 Hush Buttons (pleasant applause).

Now everyone was on the edge of their seats to hear the final tally….. the voice boomed over the loudspeaker….

 “AND in 1^st Place  - Grand Champion and Mr. Irresistible  - with ….. 23 Hush Buttons……..”  (everyone went crazy with laughing and shouting and applause, as he was so far above all the others’ totals.. ) “Grub Brower!” I remember whooping and hollering with everyone. What a great feeling it was….. (and remember, this was out of maybe 100 girls – so roughly about a quarter of them surrendered their buttons to him). The head cheerleader was kind of hesitant (again, probably not thinking this was what she had in mind when they started this plan). But she went up and kissed Grub on the cheek. He just stood there smiling. He knew…  when it came down to it – looks, athletic build, or muscles are never a match for a quick wit and a clever plan.

We moved from Kansas that next summer to South San Francisco, California. Grub “lost” his nickname – similar to how I quickly “lost” my Midwestern accent - what seems so good and clean in a small town in Kansas probably just didn’t translate into the big city in California. I lost track of most of my friends in Girard until much later in life, so I really don’t know if the high school ever continued the “Mr. Irresistible” contest. But I do know this – I am sure if Grub were there for his senior year, they probably would have changed the rules – and I would have LOVED to see how Grub would have beaten them…….

Raymond William “Grub” Brower, 

1952 – 2011

Husband, Father, Grandfather, Son, Brother, 

and rest assuredly in my mind, 

I will remember him as 

the valiant conqueror 

that day in 1968 

when my big brother was….. 

Mr. Irresistible. 

Thank you for letting me tell you that story of one of my wonderful siblings.  We grew up in small town America – and all have a place in our hearts for Girard.  As I have a place in my heart for all of America.

God Bless America

Wade “Mr. Wide”

مهندس  واد  بروير